Women Love Power®

Feminine Power, Self Discovery & Sacred Sensuality by Ayesha K. Faines

Case Studies

Aretha Franklin: Case Study in Respect & Feminine Bravado

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When I think of Aretha Franklin I think of feminine swag, soul, and over-the-top extravagance. I think of a woman who excelled because she shared her gift with the world, and she lived totally and completely unapologetically. Her life is a grand case study for how we command respect, take charge of our destiny, and live with soul!

Aretha Franklin is the DIVA archetype, like fellow super-star Beyonce. Learn more about the feminine seduction archetypes here!

If you enjoyed this video– there are more! Be sure to subscribe to my Youtube channel.

And if YOU are ready to get in touch with your own feminine swag, and your ability to control your own destiny, be sure to get the Five Laws of Feminine Power.

Cardi B. and the Art of the Come-Up

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The meteoric rise of current belle du jour, Cardi B., is being cast as a modern day fairytale. But is her astonishing come-up from dancer/Instagram fame to the A-list the work of a fairy godmother, or a woman on a mission? That’s the thing about women, people are always underestimating us, and that almost always works to our advantage. History is filled with women like Cardi B., women who suddenly rose from obscurity into the stratosphere– women like Cora Pearl, Josephine Baker, and even Dita Von Teese. The truth is every woman has the  power to live the life of her dreams, but before we step foot on the world’s stage, we first have to recognize this power within ourselves. In this video I explore these fascinating come-up stories and  identify exactly what it takes to engineer your own destiny.

 

The “Goddess Complex” aka How to Play Games You Can’t Lose

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“Do whatever it takes. This is a hustle.”

I’ll never forget the woman who christened my TV career with those frank words of wisdom. She was the head of on-air talent at NBC Universal– the woman responsible for turning the likes of Tamron Hall and Brian Williams into household names–and I was a plucky 21 year old who’d talked my way into the C-suite of  30 Rockefeller Plaza.

I sat breathlessly as she watched my demo tape–  a bootleg collection of fake news reports I cobbled together as a summer intern, in hopes that someone  might catch  a  glimmer of star quality in a girl with big hair and a mild speech impediment.

Her feedback was blunt. She told me I was green  (the industry euphemism for terrible) and headed straight for a world of rejection.

And then she swiveled in her chair, looked me dead in the eye, and promised me I would make it.

The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

I did. I became a local news reporter three months after graduation and I owe it all to her.

I wish I could say she placed a high-level phone call, right then and there, on my behalf. I had no such luck.

The only thing  she did was tell me I would make it— and I believed her.

Armed with the belief  that success was inevitable, even if not immediate, I became fearless. The deluge of rejections I received from news directors around the country never fazed me. I ignored the ‘grown-ups’ who told me I was being unrealistic.

Instead,  I used my graduation money to fly to a media conference in  Chicago where, dressed in my very best pantsuit, I handed those terrible tapes to anyone who’d have them. That is how I met my first boss– the woman who put me on air.

And at the tender age of 22, I had learned the lesson of a lifetime .

Fulfilling our desires has little to do with preternatural talent, beauty or luck and everything to do with adopting this mindset:

Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Winners win because they expect to win. 

How to Play Games You Can’t Lose

We have little control over how the events of our life unfold, but we do control our interpretation and response.

When we  play games we can’t lose, we  expect to win– and every event that occurs, whether positive or negative, is simply working to move us forward. In this playbook, failure doesn’t exist. Neither does fear.

This is the attitude that separates the creme from the crop.

Most people are primed, beginning in childhood, to view failure as fatal. Failure is perceived as some sort of  moral shortcoming, a blemish on our character, or even karma’s bitchy wrath. It means we did wrong. We are flawed.  It checks our faith and brings forth our deepest insecurities. Failure is uncomfortable and as such, we resist at all costs.

In our attempts to curb failure, we play small. We avoid the bold risks  that lead to real change. We end up lusting for things instead of really activating the faith it takes to attain them.

Even worse, when people sense our fear of failure, they take our power.

When a man senses you are afraid to lose him, he loses the incentive to demonstrate his commitment. A boss that knows you are afraid to exercise your options, has little incentive to promote  your talent. A client who senses you need their business  has no incentive to pay you your worth.

A New Definition of Success

We often define success so narrowly that we practically guarantee a loss.

When life gets tricky, we lose sight of the big picture and become obsessed with individual outcomes. We get wrapped up in winning over one particular man when the ultimate goal is deep, committed love. We give up after one failed business venture when the ultimate goal is economic independence.  We rue over one failed  ‘vegan challenge’ when the ultimate goal is simply a tighter tummy or better health. 

We forget that ‘failure’ is merely feedback, and a signal to move forward, perhaps via a different road. Instead, so many stop just short of their destiny, derailed by the inevitable twists and turns of the journey.

When you surrender to the process, when you demonstrate the radical trust of which all women are enormously capable, that is when you  begin to play games you absolutely can not lose.

How to Slay On and Off the Court

“I just never give up. I fight to the end. You can’t go out and say, ‘I want a bag of never-say-die spirit.’ It’s not for sale. It has to be innate.” -Serena Williams

When I think of women who play games they can’t lose– I think of Serena Williams. (Though every woman on my G.O.A.T. list qualifies.)

With 23 grand slams under her belt, this is a woman who knows how to win. Her entire career has been built on defying expectations. She shrugged of those who ridiculed her muscles and her curves. She ignored those who doubted she could prevail well into her thirties. She even ignored those who labeled her confidence, arrogance.

And that’s not even taking into account her wins off the court– her  romantic hit list is a sampling of Hollywoods most notorious–and enticing– bachelors.

That’s why people were shocked  when she announced her engagement to Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian. She’d kept the relationship under wraps (smart woman) and few even knew they were dating. In fact, the gossip blogs, for years, had been playing a game of ‘Guess-Which-Ex’ — as early as a month prior to her engagement announcement, rumors swirled that she’d reconciled with her long time romance, hip-hop heartthrob Common.

But women like Serena don’t make u-turns.

On and off the court, she doesn’t lose sight of her ultimate goal. She plays to win. And she has never allowed anyone– no man ( no matter how intoxicating), critic or  opponent, to derail her .

This is what I call the “goddess complex”, an unshakeable belief in oneself that unlike the pseudo-psychological “god complex”, is rooted in healthy self-awareness.

How to Win… in Love

As women living in a society where rules of the game were largely established by men for the benefit of men, it is imperative that we bring this “goddess complex” in to the realm of love.

One of my favorite sayings is “people enter your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime”.

For me, growing up meant learning to tell the difference.

It’s easy, during the initial stages of romance, to fantasize about a lifetime of happiness with the interesting man sitting across from you at dinner– but that’s a slippery slope.

Every man we encounter on this journey to deep, lasting, spirit-based intimacy is not meant to be a soulmate.

Some men come into our lives bringing pleasure. Some men bring us wisdom. Some relationships, even those that end in heartbreak, bring us greater inner-strength and self-awareness. You may meet men who introduce you to new experiences, new people, or challenge you in exciting ways. You may meet game-changing men who bring you deeper into the depths of intimacy. Some men are in fact in your life soley to prepare you for the real love you seek.

We run into trouble when we try to make seasonal men the love of a lifetime. Not only do we sabotage our chances of encountering the real love we crave– we often overlook the ‘gift’ of the liaison.

All love begins with authenticity and intention.  Honor your authenticity. Set you intention. And then surrender, completely,  to the process. This is the only way to truly enjoy men, and lets face it, romance should be about pleasure.

The irony  is that the more we are capable of loving with a light touch, the more the men in our lives crave being near us.

By raising our expectation, we raise our vibration and our energy shifts in palpable ways.

You develop something greater than courage and confidence– you  develop conviction, the sense that nothing can stand between you and your destiny. You stop operating from a place of fear– and start acting from a place of love, deep self love. This changes the power dynamic in every relationship. You begin to attract the people and opportunities that are aligned with your best interests.

When you expect to win– you literally change the game.

How to Adopt a “Goddess Complex” in 3 Minutes or Less

It’s no secret that most people live their lives avoiding failure, and yet find it at every corner.

You can forever shift  this  power dynamic by  shifting  your mindset. In fact, by the time you finish reading this passage you will have adopted what I call a “goddess complex”.

Unbeknownst to you, you probably already have a “Goddess complex”, but only in certain situations.

Like driving.

Driving is as liberating as it is dangerous. Every time you get behind the wheel there are a number of potentially fatal events that can happen.  And yet, every day, we pile into the drivers seat and push the gas.

As we head for our destination there are red lights, traffic snarls, detours, tolls, accidents, slow pedestrians, fender benders and bouts of road rage– and yet none of these occurrences, aside from complete catastrophe,  deter us from arriving at our destination.

Why?

Because we totally expect to arrive.  If we, for a moment truly doubted our ability to arrive safely, we wouldn’t drive in the first place. We’d be too scared!

But  society doesn’t condition us to fear driving. Society conditions us to fear the big stuff– like romantic rejection, starting anew, or pursuing our wildest dreams.

But these destinations are no different than those on the map. When you drive, the only thing that matters is that you know where you’re going and you trust that you’ll arrive.

The same principle applies to everything thing else you desire in life.

One Final Note

Women at the top of their game succeed because failure is NOT in their playbook.

Think about your greatest desires– not those that have been chosen for you. Not the dreams you feel you should have. Consider the visions  you have for your life that speak to your spirit.

Remember this, so long as you are willing to play the game all the way to the end– you can not fail.

No one and nothing can stand between you and destiny.

So love like a goddess. Work like a goddess. Live like a goddess.

You are indomitable. The world is yours for the taking.

With persistence and power,

Ayesha

The whole world steps aside for the woman who knows where she is going…

Power Players: The Top 12 Femme Fatales in Film History

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The term femme fatale literally means deadly woman, but the only thing she usually bludgeons is the male ego. As you’ll soon discover, she much prefers to outsource her dirty work.   She is a beguiling figure of film noire, the gritty, crime-driven genre born of widespread disillusionment following the Depression and World War II.

Who is she?

At first glance, the femme fatale is an alluring woman who charms a man into a  precariously asymmetrical relationship, and then leads him directly into harms way.  She is a sight to behold, first appearing  atop a winding staircase, in nothing but a towel, anklet and cheap wig– or perhaps sauntering  through the sticky Florida heat in chiffon dress that suggests, underneath, a body made for sin.

Her erotic energy is palpable. The meter of her speech, the texture of her voice, the curve of her gait– everything is choreographed for maximum hypnotic effect. Equal parts mesmerizing and machiavellian, she lulls her victims into unfamiliar emotional terrain–using her body as a precipice  upon which  one might risk life and limb.

Who is she, really? 

A patriarchal inversion— a smart woman who uses her feminine wiles against men, as a means to gain power and independence in a domain where woman have neither.

A fulcrum around which events turn— she acts on desire, rather than wait to become the object of someone else’s.

A transgressor of societal norms— her very existence, even on celluloid, threatens to undermine  womanhood as we know it. She represents an alternative model for femininity–a woman who is bold, sexually autonomous, smart, and selfish– that is, she uncharacteristically places her own needs and desires before others.

The Vagina Has Teeth

She is the culmination of male awe and angst surrounding unbridled female sexuality–the imminent threat of being totally consumed in a woman’s physical and emotional body, as if her womb were quicksand.  Her  archetype appears in gospel, folklore and myth; Samson and Delilah, the Greek sirens, even  vagina dentata, a folk tale in which a woman’s vagina is said to contain teeth. Yikes.

The toothed vagina is no sexist hallucination: every penis is made less in every vagina, just as mankind, male and female, is devoured by mother nature. – Camille Paglia

With her character in the hands of male writers and directors, the femme fatale is predestined for a comeuppance (quite often death)–but no amount of back end retribution can diminish the powerful precedent she sets. Morals aside, femme fatales may be the best fictional example we have of women using their innate power to advance their goals.

There is a lot a girl  can learn from a deadly woman. So pop your popcorn ladies…

Here are my twelve favorite  femme fatale performances for your viewing, and learning, pleasure.

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The Top 12 Femme Fatales in Cinematic History

12. The Postman Always Rings Twice– Based on the 1934 novel by a James M. Cain that was considered so provocative when it first came out that  the city of Boston banned it, noire icon Lana Turner plays a buxom blond trapped in a loveless marriage. She seduces a drifter who  begins working in their diner, and together they conspire to kill her husband. The combination of Lana’s ethereal innocence, and her not-so-innocent tight white shorts are irresistible.

Seduction archetype: The Goddess.

11. The Last Seduction– Linda Fiorentino plays Bridget Gregory, a cunning woman  who steals $ 700,000 from her husband and flees. She lands in Beston, a small town where her crooked lawyer advises her to lay low.  While there, she liaisons with a local guy and turns him into killer.  High notes: Forientino’s androgynous swag, husky voice, and her ability to turn a boy-next-door into her love-addicted, dirty-work doing, play thing.

Seduction archetype: The Boss

 

10. Niagara– In this 1953 technicolor film noire, Marilyn Monroe plays Rose, the younger and very attractive wife of a depressed vet. She and her lover conspire to kill her husband and fail. The tables turn when her husband plots  his revenge. Niagara has a morbid ending, but the sight of Marilyn in a tight fuschia dress, writhing in such a way that mesmerizes  the men on and off screen is unforgettable.  There’s a ten-second shot of Monroe just walking away.

Seduction archetype: The Ingenue

9. To Have and Have Not– To be honest, this is not a classic noir, but Marie, played by Lauren Bacall, is every bit of a femme fatale.This was Bacall’s  first movie role, and behind the scenes she could barely get it together. Watching, you’d never guess.  She was 19 years old, but her extreme languorousness, that famous bewitching ‘look’ and her low,  breathy speech suggested a woman far beyond her years. It’s no suprise that during the course of the film she and her much older co-star Humphrey Bogart fell madly in love. He  left his third wife, and embarked on a long and storied romance with Bacall. The on-screen chemistry is as authentic as it gets, and the dialogue is scintillating! Any woman who aspires to elevate her conversation above banal banter should take note.

 You do know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve? You just put your lips together – and blow.”

Seduction archetype: The Sophisticate.

8.Out of the Past– Jane Greer plays Kathie Moffatt, a chameleon-like femme fatale on the run from her husband, who  eventually becomes the object of erotic obsession for a hard-boiled detective. Told in a series of melodramatic flashbacks, Greer shows the power of vulnerability, disarming with tenderness all the while using mystery to keep her lover at a distance.

Seduction Archetype: The Siren

7. The Killers- In her breakout role, Ava Gardner plays the gorgeous and mysterious Kitty Collins, a woman at the center of a murder mystery. Her entrance is unforgettable, leaning against a piano and crooning a sultry tune, she stands out against the  women in the room like a panther with white fur. The Killers is a study in presence. Her eyes penetrate; her movement is  graceful and feline. The Killers was made during the studio era when young actresses like Gardner were coached in the art of on-screen seduction.  Gardner wrote in her biography, “A lot of people have told me through the years that it was The Killers that set me on the road to stardom, that defined my image as the slinky sexpot in the low cut dress, leaning against a piano and setting the world on fire.”

Seduction Archetype: The Sophisticate.

6. Double Indemnity–  If you only watch one film noir ever, this is the one to watch.  Double Indemnity is considered the definitive film noire, and Barbara Stanwyck, as Phyllis Dietrichson, executes a textbook seduction.  From the moment she  appears leaning over a  banister, draped in a towel, the chase is on. She seduces an insurance agent and convinces him to kill  her husband and make it look like an accident, so as to  collect the insurance money. The only downfall of the masterful movie is the horrible blonde wig the director insisted  Stanwyck wear. In his defense, he wanted her to look cheap.

Seduction Archetype: The Siren.

5. Basic Instinct– If you can get past the  gore of the opening scene during which an anonymous blonde mercilessly murders her lover with an ice pick– this is a great  neo-noire. Sharon Stone plays Catherine Tramell, a crime novelist and the last person to be seen with rocker Johnny Boz before his mysterious murder. Michael Douglas plays a homicide detective assigned to the case. He is determined to convict Tramell of the crime, only he gets caught in her seductive lair and the two begin a torrid affair. Stone plays the Hitchcockian ice blonde to the hilt and who can forget the gutsy interrogation scene where Stone uncrosses her legs….

Seduction Archetype: The Coquette.

4. Body Heat– If there’s one word to describe this 1981 neo-noire, it is steamy. Literally. The story takes place during a Florida  heat wave and the characters never appear on screen with a thin veil of sweat. Matty Walker, wife to a wealthy, unscrupulous businessman,  begins an affair with an inept,  womanizing attorney. Having fallen head first for the mysterious woman, Matty is able to convince her lover to kill her husband. Are you recognizing a pattern here? Kathleen Turner’s frank mix of sexuality and coolness is exciting to watch. Of note: A master manipulator, Matty Walker gives you a step-by-step playbook of how to get a man to do just about anything. She also makes the case that every siren should own a billowy, white dress.

Seduction Archetype: The Sophisticate

 

3. Vertigo-Kim Novak stars as the distant  femme fatale in Hitchcock’s haunting psychological thriller that begins when  a wealthy shipbuilder hires a retired San Francisco to follow his wife –who’s been acting strange. Novak seduces the detective from afar, her puzzling behavior and sphinx-like demeanor causing a man with acrophobia to scale buildings in her trail. With nuance that only Hitchcock can deliver, Vertigo proves that paradox is immensely sexy.

Seduction Archetype: The Enigma.

2. Boomerang- Robin Givens  plays Jacqueline Broyer,  a seductive executive in this romantic comedy about a playboy who meets his match. While not a classic film noire, Jacqueline is a ravishing femme fatale who uses her powers not for control– but for autonomy. She is the chooser.  With her victim trapped in a hopeless game of surrender and retreat, Boomerang is a modern example of how feminine power can be asserted in the boardroom and bedroom.

Seduction Archetype: The Boss.

1. Gilda– Gilda is the film that made Rita Hayworth a superstar and the ‘love goddess’ of her time. She plays a hedonistic and flirtacious femme fatale married to an older man–a cold, wealthy, casino owner. Unbeknownst to her husband, Gilda has history with his right hand man, Johnny, and the two embark on an intense love-hate relationship in which Gilda teases him with her exuberant sexuality. It’s hard to put Hayworth’s performance in Gilda into words. Her erotic energy jumps off the screen. High point: Gilda dancing in sinful black dress, tossing her jewels to the crowd, and peeling her gloves like hosiery. Few things bring a woman to life like dance.

Seduction Archetype: The Siren.

Which film heroine do you most resemble? Discover your unique brand of captivation with my psychology-backed 13 Feminine Seduction Archetypes™ quiz.

xo,

Ayesha

The Secret to Feminine Power: What the World’s Most Irresistible Women Know

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From Josephine Baker, to Jacqueline Kennedy, Cleopatra and even Erykah Badu… Throughout history, we find a dazzling pantheon of seductive women who refused to behave and wait patiently for a hero. These women, seductresses as we’ve come to call them, instinctively recognize their innate power and exercise it with aplomb. They break barriers and hearts, command respect and awe; they live and love on their own terms.

What is their secret? What is the essence of the kind of feminine power that makes the earth quake and men tremble? The answer, explained in this short, captivating film,  dates back more than 25,000 years, to a time before the dawn of history as we know it.

This is the first in a series of videos for “The Seductive Woman”. When divining your own magnetizing potential, there is nothing better than seeing feminine power in action. Here you will see clips of some of the greatest seductresses of all time, along with the bit of “herstory” that puts feminine power in perspective.

Step into your  light and shine.

Powerfully yours,

Ayesha

What Beyonce’s ‘Lemonade’ Reveals About Seduction & The (Secret) Power of Women

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Beyonce’s visual album Lemonade is a smorgasbord of decadent imagery flush with stunning cultural references, from a gloriously terpsichorean Serena Williams to the Egyptian queen Nefertiti. But as a seduction devotee,  the evocation of Oshun emerges as one of the film’s most beautiful, “teachable” moments. Oshun, an archetypal symbol for the feminine principle, serves as a meaningful guide.  Through her patakis, or stories, she reveals the secret power of women, and teaches us all the (lost) art of love.

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Beyonce channels the Yoruban diety Oshun in her spectacular visual album “Lemonade”.

In one of  Lemonade’s now most iconic scenes, songstress (diva archetype) Beyonce Knowles emerges between double doors clad in a magnificent yellow dress. In one ecstatic moment, a torrent of water engulfs her and  cascades down a flight of stairs as the barefoot  beauty saunters in its wake. Sheathed in the orisha’s signature yellow and gold, water jettisoning about, Beyonce masterfully channels Oshun, the Yoruba deity of sweet waters, sensuality, creativity and abundance.

In the West African Yoruba spiritual tradition, orishas are  intermediaries between humans and the creator.  Like  her love goddess counterparts, among them Venus, Aphrodite, and Astarte, Oshun is a divine reflection of mankind’s deep reverence for femininity in its highest expression; intelligence and intuition, emotional depth, unbridled eroticism, and the capacity for physical and psychic manifestation. Together, these qualities make up the feminine principle.

The feminine principal, also referred to as the sacred feminine,  feminine mystique, sacral energy, shakti, or even yin, refers to the creative force from which all life emerges. This mysterious, feminine force is so awe-inspiring and inchoate, that in every culture, we find a  love goddess who personifies it– Venus, Aphrodite, Innana, Astarte, Hathor, Mami Wati, and Xochiquetzal just to name a few.

A seductive women is instinctively aware of the “goddess” within her— even when a patriarchal society attempts to throw her off her game.

The precepts of seduction go back to the 25,000 year period when mankind worshipped at the alter of the goddess, and all modern day seductions are infused with this same mystical impulse. A seductive woman is instinctively aware of the “goddess” within her— even when a patriarchal society attempts to throw her off her game. She reverses the artificial male advantage and reclaims woman’s natural erotic supremacy. Her presence is charged, her affections hard-won, and her love is positively transformational.

A Case Study: How Oshun Seduces Ogun

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Though often portrayed as a coquettish young woman, Oshun is one of the most powerful orishas in the pantheon.  In many instances, where others fail, Oshun triumphs, often using her cleverness and feminine wiles to achieve her goals.

The story of how Oshun leads war god Ogun, out of the forest and back to society is charged with meaning. Mostly, it underscores the power of the feminine to seduce, and ultimately subvert, the masculine.

As the story goes:

Ogun became angry one day and took off for the woods. Because Ogun rules modern civilization, in  his absence, all the machines stopped working and cities began to fall apart. Each one of the Orishas tried in vain to get him to return.  Finally, Oshun, clad in a beautiful ensemble went to the forest. She had her “honey pot” tied around her waist as usual. She began to dance and as she moved, fluidly as the rivers snaking over the landscape, Ogun watched her from afar. She kept dancing and he kept getting closer. When he got within arms reach of her she dipped her hand into her honey pot and then smeared some of the honey onto his lips. Needless, to say, he returned home.

Oshun never petitions Ogun to leave the forest. She is the only orisha that does not resort to reason. She doesn’t beg or plead for him to follow her lead. She doesn’t try to convince him of her loyalty, her sexual prowess, or domestic supremacy. She does not audition.

In our slavish attempts to prove ourselves, and outdo our so-called competition, we often ignore the parts of ourselves that are truly seductive—- our sensuality, confidence, wit, vitality, and passion for life. How can we develop these qualities if we are fraught with concern over the shape of our breasts or saying the “right” thing over dinner?

Women are often groomed to  treat dating like American Idol, but unless you are a performing artist, you weren’t put on earth to audition for men.

As sociobiologist Marry Batten says “unless subverted by deceit or usurped by force” the females are the choosy sex, discriminating among men who compete for their attention. Seductive women inherently understand their biological supremacy and behave as such.Oshun’s story precedes contemporary patriarchy and reveals true feminine power— something from which men have tried to divert us for about 5000 years.

Feminine Prowess Subverts Masculine Power… Every Single Time

Oshun quite literally seduces Ogun, that is she “leads him astray” and out of the woods, not with convincing rhetoric, but with signs and symbols. She appears before him,  beautifully adorned.  She bathes herself in the sweet waters, laughs and dances ecstatically . She exploits those things that can not be said, in order to lead her man out of the wilderness, and back into his true self.

The feminine is not what opposes the masculine, but what seduces the masculine.

-Jean Baudrillard

On the most basic philosophical level, the tale of Ogun and Oshun helps us identify feminine seduction as the far more insidious and subversive alternative to both sex and power.

As humans, we are chained to a physical world, but seduction exists in the sublime symbolic realm- a creative language that speaks in the form of colors, smells, objects, shapes, art, poetry, riddles, images and metaphor. This is the real reason we consider the act of applying scent or painting lips seductive– these acts belie reason. When we adorn the body, we sublimate ourselves by covering the body in signs.

Symbols are the most powerful force in the human experience because they are everywhere and nowhere at all. They are both immutable and indestructible. They completely bypass rational thought, affecting us indirectly, in ways completely beyond our control.

Consider if you will the word “cross”. Written down on a blank sheet of paper, it is both a noun, adjective and verb with about 50 different literal meanings. The moment I draw a cross on a sheet of paper, for many people, it transcends meaning and becomes a feeling, perhaps of deep faith, love, or even fervor. This is the power of the symbolic, feminine realm.

Sexuality as we understand it is a masculine construct. Masculinity and femininity, as we define them in contemporary society are both masculine constructs. (Feminity is thought to be everything masculine is not… women are masculine lite). Sex has boundaries. A beginning and end.  It is like the word written on the page—linear, finite, and concrete.

Seduction exists on an entirely separate plane from sexuality.  If power is mastery over the real universe, then seduction is mastery over the symbolic universe, and that is the  ultimate form of persuasion.

In Order to Give Pleasure, You Must Know Pleasure

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Oshun wears a honey pot tied around her waist, another reference to her  womb and her feminine, sacral energy. Honey is a common motif in mythology, most often used to express the “sweet” aspects of femininity— sweetness, not as in docility, but pleasure. Honey represents the lure of pleasure– not unlike the siren’s song, or the matador’s cape– it is is the promise of sensual escape, and the idea, that we all long for transport.

Rarely as a society do we consider desire from a woman’s vantage point. Few female protagonists in popular culture describe desire in terms of what they want or what feels good to them. Most often we are the objects of desire. Which is why, sometimes it’s difficult for women to enjoy  pleasure for the sake of pleasure. We are too used to giving it, to adequately receive it.

The idea that Oshun keeps her honey pot attached to her waste has dual meanings. On one level, it represents the association of  honey with sexual release.  On another level, tied to her waist it symbolizes pleasure within her– inner content.

Many of us are “empty”, seeking pleasure without— both in the arms of inept men and  fleeting indulgences.  I can’t help but think of the classic airplane safety  admonition to place the oxygen mask over your face before assisting anyone else. The same concept applies to seduction. In order to give pleasure, you must first know pleasure.

Consider Oshun. She not only promotes fertility, but culture. She embodies the pursuit of pleasure, beauty and art for its own sake. She carries a mirror because she is self-aware and enamored with herself. Like narcicuss, she likes to look in a mirror or at her reflection in water. She loves herself. She is absorbed in her wonderful world.

Her nectar refers to ecstasy, the outcome of receiving pleasure and her  ‘sweet’ feminine gifts to civilization—  among them — beauty, art, poetry, music and dance, festival,  storytelling, charm, and diplomacy.

We can’t seduce anyone without seducing ourselves first.

When we embrace our own sensuality, whether its by taking long, candle lit baths or salsa lessons, when we live in the moment and embrace the pleasures of life, humor and spontaneity, when we surround ourselves with wonderful people and pursue our passions—we keep our honey pots full.  The French even have a name for women who embody this concept: quaintrelle, that is a woman who emphasizes a life of passion expressed through personal style, leisurely past times, charm and the cultivation of life’s pleasure. When embrace the sweetness in life, we become the bliss we seek. Only then can we attract from a place of fullness and authenticity.

She Slakes, And She Destroys

Like honey, water too is a common motif in goddess mythology,  perhaps even more so. Aphrodite (aphros is greek for foam) rose from the sea. The Egyptian goddess Hathor is associated with the Nile. The Greek Sirens are sea creatures who used their dulcet voices to lure male sailors to their untimely end.

For millennia mankind has identified the life-giving and life-destroying powers of water with woman. And it makes sense. Life emerges from amniotic fluid. The process of gestation and childbirth began as one of the world’s great mysteries. Prehistoric women were associated with water breaking, menstruation, the moon, and the tide. The first calenders were likely synchronized with a woman’s flow. Month, moon, and menses are all linguistically connected.

Water is the ultimate metaphor for feminine, live-giving energy. 

Oshun, too, falls in this category of love deities connected to water. As goddess of the rivers and “sweet waters” (sweet refers to fresh water), according to legend, women learned to move and dance seductively by watching Oshun snake across the landscape.

Beyond hypnotic motion, water is the ultimate metaphor for feminine, life-giving energy. When we are comfortable in the realm of the feminine we embody this lightness of being. We are protean, soft, receptive, yet impossible to grasp. We exude spontaneity, vitality and a sparkling quality, much like Oshun.

Water is associated with emotional depths, and the capacity of our own inner forces to sustain or overwhelm us.  When we connect with feminine energy, we become like the Greek sirens, sea-fearing creatures with wings, as they could comfortably travel in and out the depths, playing the emotional scale all the  while maintaining the ability to “fly above” and see things objectively. In the seat of feminine power, we lose our fear of oceanic emotions. We learn to swim— allowing our feelings to propel us forward, rather than drown us.

 As mothers, sisters, lovers and confidantes, we are often the guide that lead men from their heads, to their hearts.

Water symbolizes abundance. Birth and rebirth. Regeneration.  It shows us our natural ability to transform circumstances and even those around us. In greek myth, sirens were said to lure men into the watery, feminine realm where they drowned to death. Really, this myth, speaks of a symbolic death and rebirth– the ability of a woman to transform a man by guiding him into his self— increasing his capacity for compassion, selflessness, and ultimately heroism.  As mothers, sisters, lovers and confidantes, we are often the guide that lead men from their heads, to their hearts.

Water is cyclical. It flows in perpetuity, symbolizing the cyclical nature of feminine seduction versus the linear concept of masculine sexuality that most of the world embraces. Male sexuality is expressed trough the erection, an orgasm, something that is finite and defined by boundaries. Sexuality as we know it is a masculine concept and it’s often hard  to grasp feminine seduction because it falls entirely outside of this realm. It is nowhere to be found on the masculine axis.  There is no beginning or end.

Seduction, as a feminine expression, is a challenge to seduce and to be seduced. It’s a ritual exchange, during which, sex is one plausible outcome. It is a playful game of romantic one-upmanship and it turns romance, as we’ve come to know it, upside down.

A Thin Line Between Love and Hate?

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Water can be soft and quiet. It can also rage and ruin. Floods, hurricanes and storms threaten to destroy the very life that rain water sustains.

One of the many, now iconic, images in Beyonce’s visual album Lemonade, is a joyful Beyonce taking measured swings with a baseball bat, destroying everything in her path. Meanwhile, fire hydrant water jettisons about her and playful children roam in her wake. The visual speaks to the other, less celebrated, aspect of Oshun’s persona. Like water, Oshun slakes and destroys.

As the protector of women and children, she helps women feel powerful, playful and sensual. She bestows civilization with the gifts of song, dance, beauty, and passion.

While Oshun is known for her eroticism, her lightness-of-being is interspersed with heartbreak and rage.

But ignore Oshun, or neglect her, and legend says, she will cut your throat with a knife she keeps concealed in her dress and laugh over your body. While Oshun is known for her eroticism, her lightness-of-being is interspersed with heartbreak and rage.

There are several patakis (stories) that describe her encounters with poverty, abandonment, heartbreak and devastation. Her greatest challenge, particularly during her early life, is that her enormous capacity to connect emotionally leaves her vulnerable to the ravages and abandonment.

Sound familiar?

The beautiful juxtaposition of elation and rage demonstrated in Lemonade symbolizes the two sides of Oshun… and the challenge for many women who love passionately. Feminine energy is a dualistic energy– it longs to connect. It represents the procreative force in all women, the one on which survival of the species hinges. Sometimes, when this consciousness is overwhelmingly present in a woman’s psyche, she may long for validation ( a form of connection) and find herself drawn to unrequited love or emotionally lop-sided relationships. Still, passionate women are not fated to feel rage– there is a means to evolve.

Your Pain is a Rite of Passage… And the Source of Your Transformation

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Ultimately, darkness becomes her.

Much like the greek myth of Persephone, Oshun’s pain is a rite of passage. It forces her to look inward. It is during her most desperate hours that , that according to legend, Oshun taps into her deep spiritual powers and becomes a witch. This witchcraft and connection to the spiritual world symbolizes the universal aspects of grief– how in times of sorrow we develop our inner qualities– faith, resilience,  and compassion . Oshun’s sorcery is a metaphor for our capacity to transform darkness and pain into power.

There are two tales of how Oshun finally achieves her happily ever after. In one, Orunla, the spirit of destiny, finds her and requests her hand in marriage. In the alternate tale, she marries Sango, the virile Orisha of thunder and lightening, justice and dance.

Regardless of ending, we know that Oshun, the youngest and most beautiful orisha, only finds lasting love when she develops her inner qualities, sheds the need for validation, and develops her potential for unconditional love, both for herself and her lover.

Lemonade is Beyonce’s personal Oshun story— a tale of love, heartbreak, and transformation.    Like the goddess’ patakis, Lemonade celebrates a woman’s remarkable capacity to live and love with abandon, and  to find her way out of darkness.

With Love and lemons,

Ayesha

PS: Oshun represents the “siren” archetype, unbridled sensual energy. Beyonce is the “diva“.  Discover your most fascinating qualities with my original, psychology-backed 13 Feminine Seduction Archetypes quiz or scroll down for free access to  my weekly letter containing original case-studies, videos and articles that you won’t find on the site– or anywhere else on the web.

The Greatest Seductresses of All Time

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I’ve been curating a list of the greatest seductresses of all time for several months now, and today  I finally published it. To view the gallery, click here or scroll below.

The final list contains 103 irresistible women whose exploits span thousands of years.  From Cleopatra to Amal Clooney, some names will ring a historical bell, while others are more obscure.

I’d argue that my list is more inclusive than any other you’ll find on the web or in a book. While I’ve included most of the classic historical examples, the likes of Marilyn Monroe and Pamela Churchill Harriman, I was careful to introduce several beguiling women, like jazz songstress Nina Simone, to the often limited seduction canon.

Curating any “greatest of all time” (G.O.A.T.) list is difficult, particularly when there is no clear rubric. A seductress, by nature, is sui generis, one-of-a-kind, hence one woman’s brand of love may be entirely different than another’s. Compare the buxom Mae West to the refined Jacqueline Kennedy, or the androgynous Colette to a sensual Penelope Cruz. Night and day.

Romantic success is of course a signature trait for any seductress. It’s not that seductive women don’t experience  heartbreak, I am sure every woman on my list has felt the pang of heartbreak at least once, but their victories far outweigh defeat, and when they win… they win big.

Most of the women on my list married well… several times. Some, like Lily Safra, made a career out of it. But marrying wealth and power alone could not be a sole qualifier. The seductress is far more than a trophy wife.

And while beauty gives the siren a distinct advantage,  you’ll note that most of the women in my hall of fame  do not represent the classic beauty of their day, or any day for that matter. Cleopatra’s nose was hooked. Jackie’s eyes were said to be too far apart, and critics called Wallis Edward’s gender into question.

The magic lied in their ability to elevate themselves, with a bit of ingenuity and style, from ordinary to extraordinary. As Oscar Wilde once said, “Beauty is a form of genius.”

Still, there are several qualities that do unite legendary sirens.  They all possess an intoxicating mix of style, verve and discipline. They are all deeply committed to continual self-improvement, and they have the uncanny ability to transform themselves and their circumstances. Consider  Victoria Beckham’s transformation from “Spice Girl” to sophisticated woman, or the stunning transformation of Heather Sweet into Dita Von Teese.

These women harnessed the power of reinvention and inspired the men in their lives to flourish as well. Jeanne Duval inspired poet Charles Baudelaire’s most reknown volume of poetry. Lou Andreas Salome inspired two of psychologies greatest thinkers: Freud and Nietzsche.

Profound resilience is another defining marker, most having overcome a significant period of hardship before their ascent to glory. Gabrielle Chanel was an orphan. Josephine Baker was starved and abused as a child by the family for which she worked. Diana Ross sang her way out of the Detroit projects.

Every woman demonstrated passion for love and their endeavors. Among the 103, there are writers, singers, famous actresses, comedians, spies, entrepreneurs, fierce advocates and arbiters of style.

No matter what, the seductive woman makes the mold and breaks the mold. She leaves her unique mark, her beauty mark, on the world.

Jacqueline Kennedy, Bianca Jagger and Talitha Getty continue to inspire fashionable women. Millions of people read Arianna’s “Huffington Post” daily. Chanel’s name remains synonymous with chic sophistication and two women, Camilla Parker Bowles and Wallis Edwards, inspired a love so deep they compelled two future British Kings to relinquish the  royal crown.

Explore the list. Find the women who fascinate you and get acquainted with their stories. Among this catalogue of remarkable women,  there is bountiful inspiration.

xo,

Ayesha

The Greatest Seductresses of All Time

 

Seduction is for Women Who Crave Love AND Liberation

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Forget everything you know about the feminine ideal.

Forget the images that confront you daily of pouting, bikini-clad sexpots, Stepford wives and sweet girls who live next door. Forget the fairytales where a hapless female waits for a prince to choose her and change her life. Forget the rules and the dating coaches telling you how to think and how to act.

I am not here to give you any more rules. That is the last thing a woman needs.

I am here to help you reclaim your power, a power that has existed since the dawn of man when humans worshipped at the altar of the goddess. From roughly 30,000-3,000 BCE, women and goddesses were deified, a fitting elevation considering woman’s critical role in early hunter-gather societies where archaeologists suggest women were responsible for gathering and harvesting as much as 80 percent of the stable food supply. These women gave birth and nursed young. They lorded over pottery, weaving and the healing arts. They lead rituals and rites. And endowed with corpulent, life-giving bodies that were mystically synchronized with the appearance of the moon, women was inspired the same wonder and awe as the thunder and cosmic light shows that  bewildered early man. Yes, women were considered to be a force of nature.

From Isis to Lilith, Athena and Ochun, there is a global pantheon of female deities who still exert and inordinate pull on our collective consciousness. Man’s idea of love crystallized around the mythic goddess, and even today, when he encounters a woman who displays her bewitching qualities–vitality, eroticism, wit, succor, the ability to inspire both fear and love– he experiences a sort of primal de ja vu. Men are ultimately seeking a woman they can worship.

“Women all want to be sirens, but don’t know their trade.”- Frederick Fellini

But of course, we’re not supposed to know this. In childhood we internalize “someday my prince will come”. In the meantime we are expected to wait patiently, and behave. We are inundated with slick, airbrushed advertisements that deliberately poke wholes in our ego for the sake of a sale.

We are told that to be powerful is to behave like a man and to be liberated is to have sex like one. We are taught that our advantage in relationships is hard-won and fleeting at best, and that our power only lasts so long as a man has yet to taste our bodies or grow tired of them. We are placed into limiting, oppressive categories. We can be beautiful or smart, a virgin, or whore. It rarely occurs that we can be wonderfully complex, sexual and wise, soft and strong, enigmatic and open, divas, and divine.

We tell women to play the cards they have been dealt, that our romantic success will only go so far as looks and youth will take us. Traditional love advice encourages us to conform and behave, although we know, thanks to Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, that well-behaved women seldom make history. And even if you are not out to make history, why not make a life of your own design?

“The strength of the feminine is that of seduction”- Jean Baudrillard

Western society has done much to malign the seductive woman, the woman who operates with such brazen autonomy, and such electric vitality, that she threatens to turn patriarchy on its head. He portrays her as a whore, as manipulative, as a femme fatale, literally a deadly woman, who will inevitably lead man to his ruin. This is a rouse. This is man’s way of throwing women off… and of ensuring that he maintains his artificial sexual advantage over woman kind.

You know better.

This is a golden age for the seductive woman. We no longer have to seduce for our supper, and thank goodness for that. Today, we ply our techniques to improve our options. We use this set of soft skills and self-awareness to maximize our romantic and vocational success.

We can aspire to be whomever we damn well please.

Our wit is no longer confined to a dinner table, nor is our sexual agency confined to the bed. We can run a business, run for president, run a home, or just run around the world pursuing fun. We can marry whomever we want. We can marry for love. We can marry for money. (We can marry for love of money ?) We can wear what we want to wear and make love to the men of our choosing.

Of course, these freedoms aren’t experienced by women across the world, but curiously enough, in places where women are endowed with the freedom of choice, women are floundering in a sea of soulless hook-ups, hang-ups, break-downs, and break-ups. In our golden era of choice, we find ourselves lacking the power that generations of women before us wielded so masterfully.

This condition is further complicated by the digital age of online dating, over sharing, instant gratification, and over-sex. Women are the losers in this culture. It’s a playing field created and rigged by men.

Must liberation come at the expense of love? Some goddesses among us— still ply this trade masterfully, but most women are absolutely mystified as to how to prevail in love.

Romantic success and worldly success go hand-in-hand. Both take moxie, nerve, and verve. Both require that decide the life we want to live—and then become the woman who lives it.

This site is a celebration of women who did just that, and instinctively elevated love from act to art; women like Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, who turned down two marriage proposals before settling on the future president, Wallis Duchess of Windsor, the American divorcee for whom King Edward VIII abdicated his throne, and Erykah Badu, the eclectic songstress who hooked hip-hops finest.These are women who shirked convention, gender norms and complacency.

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beyonce-gold-style-upgrade-upgrade-u-Favim.com-123631“Partner, let me upgrade you….” -Beyonce

They, in the words of Beyonce “upgraded” their men. Erykah inspired her emcee lover’s creativity. Jacqui edited John’s speeches. Eva Peron helped Juan rise to power in Argentina. A seductive woman can be the best thing to ever happen to man.

Here’s the truth.

You don’t have to choose between virgin and whore. Both stereotypes were created to oppress women. You are more than a face, a comfortable vessel, or a fleeting period of youth. You are not a car—you don’t lose value the moment someone takes you for a drive, and you were not destined to be traded in for a newer model. This entire belief system was created to deprive women of the very confidence and vitality that makes the earth shake and men tremble– the supra-vitality that men secretly crave.

You can opt out of the hook-up merry-go-round. You don’t have to spend your life decoding texts, nursing bruised egos, or catering to men who haven’t learned how to cater to you. You can be a woman of your own making. And you can love on your own terms.

With lipstick and liberation,
Ayesha

PS: What makes you powerful? Discover how you uniquely captivate with my unique, psychology backed 13 Feminine Seduction Archetypes Questionnaire.

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