Women Love Power®

Feminine Power, Self Discovery & Sacred Sensuality by Ayesha K. Faines

Mythology

How to Let it ‘Flow’: Lessons In the Art of Surrender

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What would life be like if you stopped resisting, and began allowing? What does it mean to connect with the ‘flow’ and how do we marry instinct and desire? In the latest edition of the Women Love Power video series, we dive deep into the heart of the feminine journey, exploring how we, as women, have the power to endure, manifest, and forge profound connections when we tap into the ‘flow’. We explore an alternative approach that ignites our our ability to captivate, strengthens our resilience and connects us to our desire.

Curious as to how to connect to the ‘flow’ on a daily basis and ignite your feminine energy? Get instant access to the Five Laws of Feminine Power today for a play-by-play in module I of how we cultivate feminine energy– and use it to ignite attraction and sustain vitality.

Powerfully yours,

Ayesha

For Most Women, Power Is More Attainable Than (Equal) Love

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An honest look at woman’s quest for love, in the age of rising feminine power. Do we trade love for power– or can we get both?

Would you rather have love or power?

In Greek myth, the goddesses of Mount Olympus were rarely loved. They were lusted. They were tricked. They were possessed… often even subdued. But rarely were they loved.

Depiction of Sky God Zeus and his wife, the goddess Hera. Note how she prostrates before him. Zeus was known to humiliate Hera by taking on many consorts and affairs. She remained steadfast in her love for him, but was known for her rage, directed towards the women her husband chose.

Take Zeus, the omnipotent sky God and  Patriarch  of Mount Olympus. Zeus forced himself on Hera in order to shame her into marrying him— and then humiliated her   throughout their union by taking on countless consorts. He swallowed Metis, his then pregnant lover (whose name means cunning wisdom) after it was prophesied that she’d deliver a son smart and powerful enough to overthrow him, and disguising himself as a white bull, he even deceived,  abducted and raped Europa, a story that to this day is ubiquitous in the European Union.

Even the goddess Persephone’s rise as Queen of the underworld comes only after her husband, the chthonian God Hades attacks and kidnaps her, forcing her to live with him for half the year.

The goddesses of Mount Olympus loved their Gods, often in spite of the abuse, but rarely were they loved or revered in return. Figuratively speaking, they were the women who tithed while their men preached. They had power, ruling over their limited domains, and they had men–but not love.

These stories matters because the Greco-Roman mythological tradition is the  archetypal  blueprint for Western patriarchal society. These myths  assisted the decline of ancient matrilineal, goddess-revering societies, and they continue to exert a powerful pull on the collective unconscious–shaping our worldview,  gender norms, and the ways in which  conceptualize and actualize  love.

Depiction of the Rape of Europa. Zeus disguised himself as a seemingly harmless white bull in order to lure the mortal Europa. He later kidnapped and overcame her. Sex by deception and force is a recurring theme in Greek myth.

The imbalanced, exploitative relationships of Mt. Olympus were a prelude to the romantic conflicts that pervade Western society to this day. In fact,  I am convinced that much of the women’s movement of the 20th century was not just an effort to get equal power, but also equal love.

But equal love is hard.

Equal love is hard to achieve in a society that conditions men to resist emotion while conditioning women to seek it at all costs. Equal love is hard when we equate masculinity with domination,  teaching men they have certain rights over a woman’s body and it’s  hard when we assume that women are just ‘better at love’.

Game. Set. Match. Maybe Love.

I began thinking about our cultural conditioning and  our expectations for  heterosexual love,  while reading a controversial ‘think-piece’ published in Slate Magazine.

In the article, writer Heather Schwedel  says Alexis O’hanian, Reddit founder and husband to tennis champion Serena Williams, is  ‘performing’ love for likes on social media.

O’hanian, who once commissioned a string of billboards along a  California highway to welcome his wife back to tennis after  her life-threatening pregnancy, is known for his public displays of  affection. But rather than elicit a nod of approval, the author calls his efforts  a “baroque and labor-intensive domestic charade” selfishly designed to  solicit praise for “killing the feminist-husband game”.

This is what baffles me.

Everyday women erect emotional monuments to the men. We build towering edifices of  love, sacrifice, longing, and grief.

Why is it so hard to believe that a man in love might erect a billboard?

Williams is the ultimate powerful woman, and, thanks to the cliché that men don’t want to be with women who are more successful than they are, it’s nice to see her with a partner who, despite being a (lesser) hotshot himself, seems happy to take a back seat to her career.”-Heather Schwedel, Slate

At first glance, Schwedel’s cynicism speaks to our broad cultural assumptions about womanhood, race, and who we deem worthy of love. She frames her argument  in  the same beauty politics that have haunted  Serena’s career since its inception, joining the long list of detractors who depict Serena as too powerful, too masculine, and too brown for accolades, no less  love.

(Women are supposed to win approval, not championships.)

But perhaps more covertly, and speaking to my original point, Schwedel’s misguided thoughts also  mirror our own cultural expectations for women in heterosexual relationships– beliefs that undermine the  female  quest for fulfilling, unconditional, egalitarian love. We expect women to revere their men, but we’re a bit suspect when men do the same.

In order to  reach communion, or mutual love and acceptance, both men and women have to first consider  themselves equals, but patriarchies center around male domination and the assumption of male superiority, so herein lies the problem. In order for equal love to even have a chance, both men and women have to unlearn their most basic beliefs. We have to abandon the assumption that emotional withholding is masculine and that men are less than capable of love. We have to abandon the notion that women  must make ourselves worthy of male love, and that arduous emotional and physical labor is the price we pay to keep that love. We have to discard the idea that women are objects of male desire, rather than agents of their own.

The Truth About 80/20 Relationships

There are few things as demoralizing as being in an emotionally unbalanced relationship– where one partner out-loves the other.

But this unequal distribution of emotional and physical labor is commonplace, particularly in modern heterosexual marriages where studies show that married men reap the benefits of their spouse’s emotional and physical labor in tangible ways. Overall, married men are  happier, healthier, wealthier and have better sex  than their single counterparts, where as married women experience adverse health effects unless they are highly satisfied in their marriage. I’d conjecture that  these healthy, highly-satisfied wives are not burdened with performing the bulk of the emotional and physical labor. In fact, an AARP survey of 1147 men and women ages 40-79 who experienced a divorce in their 40s, 50s, or 60s, found that two thirds of women said they initiated the split.

These studies poke holes in our cultural assumptions about who benefits from marriage  while supporting the idea  that our cultural  blueprint for love is flawed.

For the better part of modern history, marriage was an oppressive institution that regarded  women as possessions, so in spite of our gains in the public sphere, remnants of that oppression still exist.

Women are working while  carrying out the bulk of the household and child care duties. Women are still performing the bulk of the emotional labor.  Women are enjoying the sexual liberation without the leverage the sex once offered in a culture that increasingly pressures women to engage in sex without investment or commitment. Our progress is benefiting men.

A 2009 National Bureau of Economics report sheds light on women’s perspective of marriage, suggesting that women in industrialized nations are experiencing a decline in overall happiness, inspite of epic gains in power– in large part, the report explains,  due to the complexity of modern romantic relationships, modern marriage, and the endurance to oppressive female roles.

Empowerment has become the catch phrase of the 21st century, and maybe we are so focused on power because it seems more attainable than equal love.

And this is not to say that true love does not or can not exist in our current society—it often flourishes  triumphantly, but the journey towards finding this mutually  loving  ‘communion’ is severely challenged by our cultural assumptions.

Love and Power are Not Mutually Exclusive

Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall.

I have long been fascinated by women who excel in love and life– in fact that’s one of the many reasons I created this platform– to celebrate, and better yet,  to understand them. For years, I’ve mined the biographies of phenomenal women with chutzpah, gall, and larger-than-life personas, — women like Josephine Baker, Cleopatra, Pamela Churchill Harriman,  Lous Andreas Salome, Jeanne Moreau, Josephine Bonaparte, Eva Peron and Erykah Badu. These sirens, like Serena, also inspired the kind of love and devotion you can see from the highway.

And I realized something.

The common thread in all of their stories was not  just romantic success. In fact way too much attention had been given to their romantic conquests — a reflection of our shallow tendency  to define  women  by the powerful men who love them.

No, with time,  I realized  that romantic and worldly success go  hand in hand — and neither have anything to do with looks, privilege, or ladylike behavior.

It’s mindset. Mindset is what catapults mortal women into the pantheon of living goddess.

Their lives and behavior aren’t defined by patriarchal mores and sexist social codes and their life trajectories are not determined by gender.

Mental liberation enables captivating women to form solid self-esteem, the kind we all find hard to resist. It frees them to live full, individuated lives, to know their worth, and to ultimately choose men who are willing and capable of doing the same. These women are confident, cool, and comfortable in their own skin and they understand how to love and be loved. They resist conformity,  know their purpose, and play the field until they find  the man  (or men) best suited for their brand of love.

These women realize that they don’t  have to choose between love and power. For them losing personal power is not the price we pay for winning love. These women prove that a loving power can attract a powerful love.

The women who win  mutual, monumental love,  aren’t just lucky victors in a flawed system. It’s not a matter of chance. They foil all systems of power by means of subversion and self-definition. They are  indifferent to criticism and persecution and they give us a working example of what liberation looks like when paired with agency. They are the  true progressives of our lot, proving that fantastic success and monumental love is possible when we mentally get of the grid.

As Belle Hooks writes that “Nothing indicts female allegiance to patriarchy more than the willingness to behave as though the problems created by cultural investment in sexist thinking about the nature of male and female roles can be solved by women’s working harder.”

So often, when women encounter the kind of lovelessness endemic in patriarchies, particularly in our culture of casual sex, we respond by buckling down on our sexist thinking. In our quest to improve our romantic plight, to get the monumental love our dreams, we often resort to self-blame, self-pity, and self-correction rather than the most aphrodisiacal quest of all— self-love.

Man’s Fear of the Powerful Love

Samson led the people for 20 years until he was betrayed by his wife, Delilah, and captured by the Philistines. It’s a parable cautionary tale against excessive pride and charming women.

In our society, women who buck social expectations by loving how and who they want, threaten the livelihoods of men and women who are fully invested in an oppressive system. They defy  all that we’ve been told about female chastity, purity, fidelity, loyalty and emotionallabor. They challenge our beliefs about which women are ‘lovable’ and and the terms of the love.  They foil our caste systems of desire.

And they are powerful.

That’s what scares us the most.

To render any lover spellbound is  form of power, but especially when that lover is a man.  A captivated man is taboo in a culture centered around male domination and control.

Right now I’m talking about a power beyond sex, but the power to plunge men deep into the emotional abyss where he may lose control— lose his ability to understand, to distance himself with logic, to detach  and to resist. His own sexual destiny may be at the whim of a woman which really turns this who patriarchy thing on its head and the fear of such an occurrence is embedded in the culture.

Consider the most famous femme fatales in history.

Jezebel. Salome. Delilah. Cleopatra. The ubiquotious dark siren  of 1940’s film noire.

What do they have in common?

A touch of evil.

Kathleen Turner and William Hurt in the iconic neo-noir Body Heat. Turner plays a textbook femme fatale, using her captivating looks, charm, manipulation and sex to lead her mark to his demise.

These beautiful and beguiling  pose a deadly threat to every man they encounter. Their pleasure comes at a steep price. She is his weakness, never his strength. They  are seductive landmines stirring both desire and terror, and in the end, they must meet their demise lest men meet theirs.

But sometimes men do encounter, and fall for these powerful women, and the only death that ensues is the fragile ego that keeps him trapped in a system that denies him full love, acceptance, and wholeness too. Sometimes love leads to  a pleasurable death, followed a powerful resurrection.

The Taj Mahal is an enormous mausoleum complex commissioned in 1632 by the Mughal emperor Shah Jahan to house the remains of his beloved wife. It was constructed over a 22-year period on the southern bank of the Yamuna River in Agra, India.

The world’s largest diamond was purchased for a woman. The Taj Mahal was created in honor of a woman. Some of the world’s  most beautiful castles were erected for women . One might even argue that civilization itself is a testament to what men are willing to build in pursuit of female sex.

Since the beginning of time men have been demonstrating their love in extravagant ways because contrary to popular belief, powerful women really do inspire powerful love.

We should not feel threatened by women who evoke magnamious gestures of love, or even skeptical; we should be inspired. By freeing themselves from the tyranny of patriarchal attitudes, these women cease to enable toxic masculine behavior in their own lives, and often inspire the men in pursuit of their love to find their own psychic freedom, a gateway to  self-love, healthy emotional expression, and ultimately communion.

Powerfully yours,

Ayesha

Want to dive really deep? Learn the ways women have cultivated their power and beguiling abilities since the beginning of time here.

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Three Lessons in Life, Love & Sacred Femininity From Oshun

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Oshun is the Yoruban goddess of the rivers and fresh waters, sensuality, fertility, beauty, art, wealth and love. Brought to the America’s via the Transatlantic slave trade, today, she is revered in Santeria, Candomble, and Afro-Haitian religious tradition as well.

She is such a strong force in the collective unconscious that she turns up, sometimes  unintentionally, in contemporary popular culture. From the universal image of a beautiful woman emerging from water (as in 007) to Pam Grier’s ‘Foxxy Brown’ and Beyonce’s’Lemonade’, the powerful orisha still makes her scintillating presence known. 

Even today, the ancient mythic stories that surround Oshun offer inspiring insight into soft power, transformation and the sacred feminine.  For women, myths offer a significant pathway to understanding feminine power as these ancient deities predate patriarchy and our contemporary concept of feminity. 

In this video, I explore the deeper meaning of several Oshun patakis and offer insight into soft power, radical transformation, and the purpose of pleasure.

 

xo,

Ayesha

Beyonce’s Powerful Hidden Message to Womankind

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In the wee hours of a Sunday night, I found myself engaged in a heady Twitter exchange about whether superstar songstress Beyonce had either  evoked the orisha Oshun or the syncretized Virgin Guadalupe of Mexico.

I thought it was clear.

She had evoked both dieties– and more. I saw references to the Roman Venus, the Hindu  Kali Ma, and possibly the Egyptian  Isis.

Beyonce’s performance of motherhood, beginning with her decadent photo series (worthy of a wall at the MoMA) and culminating in her ten minute medly at the Grammy awards, had not been about honoring one particular diety– but rather using her global platform (and twin fetuses) to challenge modern notions of femininity and motherhood by conjuring the image of powerful creation deities that predate judeo-Christian culture.

Every goddess she called forth represented a unique message to womankind–it’s one of those many  instances in which her visual artistry is more significant than her actual song.

 

For some 25,000 years mankind honored women as the creators of life, primary providers of food, builders, artist ands, healers, priestesses and leaders. Across cultures, motherhood, above all, was perceived as nothing short of supernatural.

Feminine creativity, the power to manifest physical and psychic reality, is one of the Goddess’ primary aspects. People identified ‘the feminine’ as the source of all being–and as such, men and women in the early gynocentric societies tended to live in partnership, rather than domination.

Today, when we evoke cross-cultural images of the the Great Mother, as Beyonce has, it is not a cue to retreat to old ways, some romanticized, pastoral version of herstory.

The evocation of the divine feminine is a call for women to acknowledge their own sacred energy as a legitimate source of independent power. Reawakening the Cosmic Creatress on a global stage asks that we, as women, use our innate powers to take control of our destinies.

 I  invite you to explore her use of spiritual imagery as we unravel the her hidden messages to woman kind.

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Beyonce as The Virgin of Guadalupe

With the elaborate use of lighting optics and holograms, Beyonce, dressed as La Virgen in her signature gold spiked crown and mantle, appears and reappears on stage– a nod to the three apparitions of The Virgin Mary before Juan Diego, an essential aspect of La Virgen de Guadalupe’s legend.

La Virgen de Guadalupe is simultaneously a figure of religious reverence and cultural rebellion.

In 16th century Mexico, a  poor Aztec Indian named Juan Diego was said to be walking through the Tepayac hill country in central Mexico when he encountered a beautiful woman surrounded by a ball of light. Speaking in his native tongue, she identified herself as the Virgin Mary and asked that a church be built on the site. She appeared before him three times, asking that a chapel be built in her honor at that site.

Juan protested that no one would believe he’d seen her, so she pointed and suddenly among the cactus grew roses– the flower of the heart and of her love for humanity. Juan gathered the roses in his cloak and headed straight to the bishop. As he unrolled his garment, an image of the Virgin as a pregnant, dark skinned Indian woman appeared with stars on her cloak, a crown on her head, and rays of sun surrounding her.

Today Catholic scholars have openly doubted the historical existence of Juan Diego, but this we do know– following the Hernan Cortes’ conquest in 1521, a Mexican temple honoring the Aztec creation goddess Tonantzin was dismantled and replaced with a chapel honoring the Virgin Mary. In Mexico, this apparition was named La Virgen Maria de Guadalupe–and from the beginning she was a connection between their polytheistic, goddess past and their Christian future.

The Aztecs … had an elaborate, coherent symbolic system for making sense of their lives. When this was destroyed by the Spaniards, something new was needed to fill the void and make sense of New Spain … the image of Guadalupe served that purpose. -Patricia Harrington

 Many Aztecs continued their worship of creation goddess Tonantzin through La Virgen. Her belt is said to represent her pregnant state. Even her artistic rendering, always cast in the shape of a yoni, surrounded by roses and baby angels, suggests her fertility goddess origins.

Infused with a note of kisch (maybe even a nod to Kehinde Wiley) Beyonce references the La Virgen by draping herself in a blue-green mantle, and surrounding herself with roses, Guadalupe’s sacred flower– said to represent maternal love and fertility.

Surrounded by women who represent the cherub angels on one of the iconic renderings of La Virgen, they wear blue-green dresses, the color of her mantle, and dance atop a bed of roses, her sacred flower. They also, for a moment during Beyonce’s Grammy performance, evoke a powerful reference to The Last Supper.

La Virgen embodies unconditional motherly love, but more than anything she embodied refuge from colonial conquest– a means of honoring their original creation goddess under the guise of Christianity. Newly converted natives continued to come from afar to worship there, often addressing the Virgin Mary as Tonantzin.

Her blue-green mantle was the color reserved for the divine couple Ometecuhtli and Omecihuatl that represented the dual cosmic energies, and her belt is interpreted as a sign of pregnancy. La Virgen was called “mother of maguey (the aloe plant) and the source of the sacred beverage polque, also known as “the milk of the Virgin”. Even the rays of light that surround her image are said to represent the spines on the maguey plant.

This is why Beyonce’s choice to represent her is fascinating. The singer is deliberately blurs the line between the Christianity and gynocentric spirituality. As such, she reminds that our goddess past is ever present, still influencing the way we worship and connect today.  She directs our attention to a time prior to the ascent of patriarchal  judeo-christian religion, when the divine feminine served as a projection of our power as women to create, transform and manifest physical and psychic reality.

The Message: Patriarchal society elevates the concept of feminine chastity as a means of punishing women for their sensuality and encouraging them to suppress this creative, magnetic,  life-affirming power. This wide-spread suppression of our erotic instincts is not only confusing to women, but detrimental to our relationships, our spiritual and mental well-being.  Our ability to manifest anything we want is nothing short of miraculous. Honor it. 

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Beyonce as Oshun

 

Beyonce evokes the Yoruban goddess Oshun by wearing her signature color yellow and gold jewelry. The deity reins over the sweet (fresh) waters, hence the billowing effect of her cape.Beyonce’s  african jewelry serves to further emphasize her reference to African spirituality.

An archetypal symbol for the feminine principle, Oshun reins over the  sweet waters (fresh water)  and the realms of sensuality, creativity and abundance. In Beyonce’s recent body of work, Oshun is a well-known artistic reference to West African matriarchal iconography.
Ochun represents the creative and procreative force that exists in all women, the passionate, erotic energy that can be channeled into the creation of  new art, new life, or even a new reality. This life force has  many names in eastern philosophy, from shakti to kundalini, but most notably, it is the one powerful aspect of femininity that patriarchy attempts to suppress, opting instead to subject women to the contrived virgin/whore binary, both of which deprive women of their instinctive powers.

 Sensuality, creativity and abundance are the gifts of Oshun.

Standing on the stage adorned as Oshun, in gold jewelry that adorns her enchanting, pregnant body– Beyonce represents two realms of womanhood that are traditionally kept apart– woman as mother, and woman as lover. All too often our society attempts to reduce womankind, in all of our manifestation power, to vessels of life  and pleasure. In a sense, we are laborers– our bodies designated to deliver life and to deliver pleasure– in both  instances, our bodies are at work for others.
The fascinating aspect of Oshun, and all of the creation/love deities like her, is that she embraces pleasure for the sake of pleasure. When we engage in ‘self-care’  we activate our own inner Oshun. She walks around with a honey pot tied around her waist, this nectar symbolic of both sexual release, and her own inner contentment.

In this image, Beyonce evokes the orisha along with her mother and daughter. She is simultaneously referencing the powerful mother/maiden/crohn trinity that predates modern religion.

In myth, Oshun seduces out of fullness. She transforms the lives of those around her by ‘sharing’ the sensual, abundant energy she carries within. Hence her gifts to civilization, are music, dance, art, poetry, and the passion that ultimately spawns new life.
When we talk about empowering women, so often we do so in within the context of denying our sensuality– not wanting to be seen as vessels of  erotic energy. Sensuality carries a distincitly negative connotation in patriarchal society–there are women who can not imagine connecting to their body if it isn’t in the context of making babies or pleasing a man. What else can we expect in a culture that exalts above all else, a virgin birth?
A critical aspect of our empowerment is acknowledging and owning this  creative life force; the Oshun, within us. We all have access to this mysterious and magnetic energy; some of us are overwhelmed by it, and others suppress it, but we all have access to this creative energy that mankind has exalted for years—and we can use it to heal, transform, and take charge of our personal and sexual destinies.
The Message: In order to give pleasure, one must know pleasure. Keep your ‘honey-pots’ full. Your pleasure is a privilege for yourself and a gift to others. 

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Beyonce As Venus

Having emerged from the sea a fully developed woman, Venus, like her Greek counterpart Aphrodite, is the goddess of passion, eroticism, and creative force. She is  goddess of the waters, the source of life and the element linked with emotions. Like women, water has the capacity slake, transform and destroy. She represents the transformative power of love and sexuality, and our capacity to grow through joy and pleasure.

Often portrayed in the nude, bathing or wringing her hair after emerging from the sea, her exposure lacks of self-consciousnessness– much like Beyonce, who stood before the world, ripe in her womanhood, and exuded total and utter confidence in her body. When we as women connect to the Venus in us, we experience a lightness of being. When we are passionately involved with a project or a partner, Venus moves through us.

In this image of a reclining Beyonce, she still incorporates Mexican influences, and the gold of Oshun, but also poses like the Renaissance depictions of the Roman goddess Venus.

A depiction of Aphrodite (the Greek equivalent of Venus) with her son Eros. Aphrodite/ Venus is often portrayed reclining.

Venus is said to have risen from the sea, fully formed. Water is a powerful metaphor for feminine power– representing our capacity to slake and destroy.

Roman theology casts  Venus as the yielding, fluid female principle, not unlike the chinese concept of tao, which is essential to the balance of dual cosmic energies. She tempers the masculine and can bestow abundant gifts of military victory, sexual success, good fortune and prosperity.

Sandro Botticelli’s famous ‘Birth of Venus’.
Beyonce, recreating the classic Birth of Venus while incorporating Egyptian imagery and Oshun’s golden yellow.

The message: Our society leads women to live in their heads, but sensuality happens when we connect to our bodies whether it be through dance, massage, or even sex– and we own every inch of our splendor. Contemporary images of beauty are designed to induce ‘longing’– beauty as we know it is a product of commercial culture. Real beauty happens when we ‘altar’ ourselves–even if not on the world stage–at least in front of the bathroom mirror. In an eros-phobic culture, self-admiration is considered vanity, but in actuality it is one of the gateways to feminine power.

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Goddess Tripping Into the Future

When we reclaim the divine feminine, we acknowledge our goddess past. This is not an act of worshipping or even longing for an entity without, rather, it is about acknowledging something sacred within.  As we goddess-trip deeper into the 21st century,with all the unique challenges and opportunities it will present woman kind,  we must recognize that the  sheroic qualities humans worshipped for the better part of history are not fantasy– they are in us. We are vessels of deep love, pleasure, creativity, knowing, and miraculous healing energy. We have the capacity to heal ourselves, to heal our world, to transform any condition, and to create any reality. We. Are. Magic.

Powerfully yours,

Ayesha

PS: The shadows of these great goddesses continue to exert their pull on womankind today through the force of psychological archetypes. Discover the 7 feminine archetypes that underscore your life story, or take a free quiz to uncover the captivation ‘goddesses’ within you.

Your Dark Side: ‘Shadow’ Aspects of the 7 Feminine Archetypes

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Where there is light, there is shadow… and where there is shadow, there must be light.

If there is one central psychological paradox that flummoxes most humans, it is this: our greatest virtues and our worst flaws are inextricably connected. They are two sides of the same coin.

Archetypes are universal images that according to psychologist Carl Jung, form the basis of all our instinctive, unlearned behavior.  As you’ll discover below, every archetype has positive and negative traits . These negative aspects, the “shadows” of our persona represent emotional blindspots– they are our excess baggage, the passions and tendencies by which we self-sabotage.

Following my written work on the 7 feminine archetypes and the personality assessment, I began receiving letters from women all over the world who felt that their “shadows” kept showing up uninvited, like reckless party crashers,  and were preventing them from achieving their personal and romantic goals. With that in mind, I penned this explanation of the 7 feminine archetypes and their shadows  in order to help women recognize the source of their darker side.

The goal is not to escape your darkness. You can’t.

True to form the shadow is always with us. It is an inescapable extension of our light. You can not choose what archetypes show up in your life and instinctively “demand their due”, but armed with information, you do get to choose how you act on them.

Most of us will spend  a lifetime trying to minimize, or hide, our darker qualities from the world. We show up for dates and job interviews  desperately trying to be someone else. We wear masks. We develop defense mechanisms and enter perennial states of denial. We fear that these flaws make us unlovable, failures even, when in reality, your flaws make you you.  

You are your darkness and your light. You are both sides of Janus. Your shadows emerge in instances of extreme polarity– when your virtues run amok, unchecked by balancing qualities. This is how creative passion can torpedo into destructive rage, or how  healthy ambition can devolve into crippling perfectionism.

Personal power is being able to choose between dwelling in darkness and dancing in light.

The Sage

The Sage's shadow in film: Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada. Loosely based on the real-life editor of Vogue magazine, Priestly’s strategic alliances in the fashion industry and no-nonsense attitude allow her to thrive in a ruthlessly competitive industry. Her over identification with the sage make her a cruel boss and insensitive companion.
The Sage’s shadow in film: Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada. Loosely based on the real-life editor of Vogue magazine, Priestly’s strategic alliances in the fashion industry and no-nonsense attitude allow her to thrive in a ruthlessly competitive industry. Her over identification with the sage make her a cruel boss and insensitive companion.

Like the ancient Sumerian goddess Inanna, a woman that identifies with the sage archetype is  driven by the pursuit of knowledge and proximity to power. She is equally at home in her feminine anima and masculine animus— hence, more than other feminine archetypes,  she is likely to enjoy being in the midst of male action and power. The sage archetype is proof that pragmatic, powerful women are not acting like men— rather, they are embodying feminine power, as the strategic, wise sage archetype is a reoccurring figure throughout human history. Among her virtues are strategy, discipline and emotional objectivity.

In the shadow, the sage woman so identifies with her masculine animus that she comes to protect patriarchy and misogyny. She resents women who express their own sexual agency, and she even  suppresses the creative and feminine aspects of herself. Many sage women struggle with vulnerability, emotional and sexual expression.  In the shadow, the sage uses her emotional distance as armor  and struggles to empathize and form genuine relationships. This may manifest as stalled or strained with relationships with lovers, friends, and even children.  She may be destructively competitive, obsessed with perfection, judgmental and potentially cruel to other women.

 

The Huntress

The Huntress' shadow in film: Lisbeth Salander, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. The survivor of a traumatic childhood, Salander is an androgynous, introverted and asocial computer hacker with a sadistic appetite for vengeance. She has difficulty emotionally connecting to people and making friends and is content to live in isolation.
The Huntress’ shadow in film: Lisbeth Salander, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. The survivor of a traumatic childhood, Salander is an androgynous, introverted and asocial computer hacker with a sadistic appetite for vengeance. She has difficulty emotionally connecting to people and making friends and is content to live in isolation.

Independence is the huntress’ hallmark, and it may take multiple forms— she may strive for financial and emotional independence, or even personal freedom from popular ideas, modes of behavior and trends. She is her own person, and this self-possession is a virtue. Like the sage, the huntress thrives at execution and emotional objectivity. Unlike the sage, she is fundamentally opposed to patriarchy. She is a vessel of ‘feminine passion’ that may present as a competitive spirit, athleticism, robust sexuality or even a willingness to ardently champion causes that are close to her heart. She is self-sufficient, bold, courageous, adventurous— she embodies action. The huntress makes her life happen.

Over identification with the Huntress brings about her shadow. In this state a woman desperately avoids expressing any form of vulnerability. This emotional independence can be absolutely enthralling to men at first (see the coquette) but in the absence of any emotional capitulation, the Huntress-driven women will struggle with intimacy, and encounter men who regard her sole as a  ‘sister’. Coquettes (dominant Huntress) are some of the most seductive women on the planet, but they  are not maestra’s of withholding emotional gratification— they are simply experts at delaying it!

In the shadow, the Huntress’ passion transforms into rage, and a woman who experiences this aspect of the archetype may be subject to bouts of cruelty, uncontrollable anger, and vengefulness. Working in the light, a huntress may turn apoplectic over a perceived injustice, but she quickly channeled her anger into positive action. In the shadow , this anger doesn’t serve a higher purpose— it manifests as desultory rage.  Her healthy competitive spirit, in the shadow, exists as a need to win at all costs, which can also drive her towards destructive aggression.

 

The Mystic

The Shadow in Film: Abby and Martha Brewster, Arsenic & Old Lace. In this 1944 dark comedy, two elderly sisters are homebodies who have developed the “very bad habit” of ending the presumed suffering of lonely old bachelors by serving them elderberry wine laced with arsenic. In this case, the two sisters value home life and solitude, but they are so anti-social and out of touch with human feelings that they display psychopathic behavior.
The mystic’s shadow in film: Abby and Martha Brewster, Arsenic & Old Lace. In this 1944 dark comedy, two elderly sisters are homebodies develop the “very bad habit” of ending the presumed suffering of lonely old bachelors by serving them elderberry wine laced with arsenic. The sisters value home life and solitude, but they are so anti-social and out of touch with human feelings that  turn to psychopathic behavior.

In a world brimming with distraction, the mystic strives for inner-peace. Where as the sage and huntress are motivated by external goals, the mystic is motivated by personal fulfillment. Her  quiet beatitude and extreme self-possession are her shining qualities. Her identity is not based on external qualifiers, like recognition or reputation, rather  her personal sense of completeness.   Operating in the positive realm, Mystic women are wise, and capable of seeing the sacred in the mundane. They have a talent for transforming a house into a home, and find fulfillment in acts of service.  She is patient, a wonderful listener, and devoted to any task she endeavors. Uneasily shaken by life’s travails her soulful presence feels like home.

When a woman is operating in the Mystic’s shadow, she becomes so introverted and internally focused that she is incapable of intimacy and emotional expression. Even when she genuinely cares for a person, she will struggle to demonstrate her regard, thus putting strain on the relationships she holds dear. A mystic woman may appear remarkably cold, frigid and unmoved. She can be so adept at feeling at home within her self that becomes a prisoner in her own body, unable to escape the internal focus and embrace the people and experiences about her. She may  lack assertiveness and be all thought–no action.

 

The Queen

The Shadow in Film: Joan Crawford, Mommie Dearest. Faye Dunaway portrays the legendary actress in this biographical drama that portray’s Crawford’s abusive relationship with her daughter. In the movie she is is a driven actress and compulsively clean housekeeper who tries to control the lives of those around her as tightly as she controls herself.
The queen’s  shadow in film: Joan Crawford, Mommie Dearest. Faye Dunaway portrays the legendary actress in this biographical drama based on Crawford’s abusive relationship with her daughter. Crawford is depicted as a driven actress and compulsive housekeeper who tries to control the lives of those around her as tightly as she controls herself.

At the most basic level, the queen archetype represents  a woman’s yearning to be a wife. Queens uphold the sanctity and integrity of marriage as an institution in contemporary society, but to limit her virtues to the uxorial would mean reducing her identity to a mere creation of patriarchy. The queen is so much more than that. Among her most apparent strengths are loyalty, commitment, emotional resillience and the almost magical potential to divine a man’s potential. Queens, perhaps better than any other archetype, can help a man shape his hopes and dreams into reality.

On a deeper level, the queen represents feminine power and our unique capacity for conscious leadership. When women marry  the feminine principal and power, the outcome is remarkable. Women are capable of leading in a way that sustains  life, creativity and conservation. Queen women are natural born leaders, though not solely  in the  boardroom. Her leadership skills may be put to good use within the home, her community or within her social circle. Queen women who embody the ‘light’ of their archetype excercise their power in yin ways.  She resorts to charm, persuasion and diplomacy— soft power tactics– rather than coercision. Similar to the way a queen moves in any direction on a chessboard, queen leadership is soft, diffuse—- difficult to block and difficult to see coming. Many of the world’s great feminine leaders identify strongly with the positive aspects of this archetype.

When a woman is operating in the queen’s shadow, she aspires to a position of power, but at the expense and to the detriment of others. Shadow queens can be judgmental, shallow, image-conscious, jealous and horribly vindictive. When queens experience pain or a personal slight, their anger turns to uncontrollable rage. Operating in the shadow, queens are driven towards revenge, even if it means the destruction of every thing around them. As wives, queen women who overly identify with the archetype will struggle with personal boundaries and sexual agency. She is likely to view sex as  a wifely duty rather than as a pleasurable experience for herself. She may value her queen position so much that she is terribly jealous of any woman she perceives as a threat.  In the shadow, queens lose their identity in relationships and feel compelled to stay in troubled, even abusive situations for the sake of commitment.

 

The Mother

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The mother’s shadow in film: Stella Martin, Stella Dallas. Stella, the daughter of a mill worker in a post-World War I Massachusetts factory town, is determined to better herself. She marries a wealthy mill executive and the two have a daughter, Laurel. Stella discovers that she strongly identifies with maternal instinct and becomes singularly obsessed with the rearing of her daughter, to the detriment of her marriage and her new upscale life.

The mother archetype represents a woman’s maternal instinct and predisposes a woman to assume the role of nurturer and caretaker in her relationships. In the light, these women are rooted, down-to-earth, and natural providers of emotional and physical sustenance. They are extraverted, principled and they give of themselves generously. Think of the “office mom” who always remembers her co-worker’s birthdays, or the friend who makes sure that everyone is okay during a night out. Mother women feel a strong call to actual motherhood, but they ‘mother’ in all aspects of their lives. This process of protecting, supporting and honoroing the individuality in others is a shining virtue, though our society often overlooks its value. Mother women are often described as warm, inviting and authentic. They are responsible, stable, and naturally make people feel comfortable around them.

In the shadow, this same archetype compels a woman to feel possessive, forming her identity so concretely around her role of caretaker that she becomes terrified of losing her literal or symbolic ‘children’. This may present as the over-controlling mother who resents her child’s burgeoning independence, or even the over-bearing friend. When faced with abandonment, a dark mother may do anything to maintain the umbilical chord, including manipulation.

In the shadow, this archetype struggles with exercising her sexual agency and personal boundaries. When overwhelmed by the archetype, she struggles to say ‘no’, often giving of herself to the point of resentment. The shadow mother feels devastated when relationships end and is preoccupied with fears of abandonment. She needs to be needed. She tells herself that others can’t live without her, but really she can’t live without them.

The Maiden

The Shadow In Film: Cher Horowitz, Clueless. Cher is the selfish, vain, and superficial daughter of a wealthy Beverly Hills attorney whose only direction in life is "toward the mall”. A series of mishaps compels her to reflects on her priorities and her repeated failures to understand or appreciate the people in her life.
The maiden’s shadow in film: Cher Horowitz, Clueless. Cher is the selfish, vain, and superficial daughter of a wealthy Beverly Hills attorney whose only direction in life is “towards the mall”. A series of mishaps compels her to reflects on her priorities and her repeated failures to understand or appreciate the people in her life.

Of all the archetypes, the maiden woman is most inclined not to act, but to be acted on. The archetypal young woman, maidens have extreme depth but they often have to mature before they can experience the full potential of their archetype.  Her personal journey mirrors that of the greek goddess Persephone. Persephone,  the sheltered daughter of Demeter is abducted by Hades, God of the underworld. She ultimately marries Hades and becomes Queen of the underworld, dividing her time above and below ground.  This existance above and below ground represents the literal split between ego and subconscious, naif and crohn.  The maiden is a pure child and wise-woman all in one, and she will usually spend the better part of her young adulthood learning to integrate her two natures.

Among her virtues are a life-long effervescence—even when the maiden ages, there is something youthful and ebullient about her spirt.  She is receptive, compassionate and a natural empath.  She is highly creative, intuitive and able to divine the deeper, spiritual meanings of life’s events. Working in her light, her openess gives her tremendous power. She has the ability to lower defenses, with her unselfconcious charm, thus making her naturally, and quite powerfully seductive.

In the shadow, maidens have yet to fully reach their queen state. They are stuck in their Kore (child-like) state, and thus are drawn to codependent relationships, much like the one between Demeter (the mother) and Persephone. She is excessively compliant, lacks personal boundaries, and may lead a Peter-Pan like existence— that is an extended adolescence where she is waiting for something to happen to her life. The maiden’s shadow prevents her from taking deliberate actions and making empowered decisions that move her life forward. Undeveloped maidens lack direction and often feel paralyzed by fear of commitment.

Maidens may feel drawn to abusive relationships that further reinforce her co-dependent natures. Maidens are highly supsceptible to periods of darkness and depression. They may also behave erratically and rebelliously, like a troubled teen. This is  another aspect of  being locked in a child-like state. In this case she may break rules and social norms, take destructive risks, and manipulte those around her.

The Lover

The lover’s shadow in film: Brandi, A Thin Line Between Love and Hate. Brandi plays a beautiful, enticing lover who, once jilted by a soon-to-be-married man,  will do anything to exact revenge. Brandi demonstrates the lover’s potential to be consumed by passion, and the humiliating lengths such a woman might venture for a hint of emotional reciprocity. In the shadow, lover women are vulnerable to accepting “crumbs” from a man they desire, and may stay in terrible relationships for long periods of time just to protect their fragile vanity. 

 

The lover is the most instinctive feminine archetype because it represents the erotic impulse that inspires procreation. The lover archetype endows a woman with a highly charged magnetic energy that empowers her to create, transform, and attract. It is a divine spark. As I’ve written about before, this primordial energy is accessible to all women, even those who are not governed by the archetype. It is the energy that emerges whenever we feel creatively inspired or intimately aroused. The entire process of falling in love, or even in lust, is ruled by this archetype.

Women influenced by the lover, like the Greek goddess Aphrodite, are firmly rooted in their sensuality. More than any other archetype, they  possess sexual agency— that is the ability to take pleasure in sensual experiences. Lover women can be delightfully spontaneous, charming,  and  excel at different forms of  creative expression. Lover women thrive on connection, her presence adds vitality and emotionality to relationships— however, unlike the mother, queen and maiden, she doesn’t define herself based on her relationships. She is her own person, and has no problem putting her needs first. Self-care is her domain.

In the shadow, the lover loses her self-sufficiency, and comes to rely solely on her connection with others for validation. In this vein, she may feel irreparably wounded following a heart break, or she may even behave like a ‘drama’ queen, courting attention in anyway  possible just to feel a connection with others. Working in the negative, lover women can be vain, irresponsible, noncommittal, narcissistic, and drawn to emotionally lopsided relationships with complex men.   The lover’s  creative passion can overwhelm her,  causing her to fall in love hard and fast, without the emotional objectivity required to make mature decisions. Their fragile egos also cloud their better judgment.

Such a woman may leave a string of bad romances and unfinished projects (projects she fell in and out of love with) in her wake.  She may act tempestuously, a slave to her emotions, rather than as bold siren who can confidently move between the depths and air.

For a better understanding of the archetypes shaping your life, take my one-of-a-kind 13 Feminine Seduction Archetypes™ questionnaire. Your results will provide a snapshot of the dominant archetypes that are currently shaping your life, and lead you to your ‘seduction archetype‘ which represents the unique way that you captivate.

With love and light,

Ayesha

The Secret to Feminine Power: What the World’s Most Irresistible Women Know

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From Josephine Baker, to Jacqueline Kennedy, Cleopatra and even Erykah Badu… Throughout history, we find a dazzling pantheon of seductive women who refused to behave and wait patiently for a hero. These women, seductresses as we’ve come to call them, instinctively recognize their innate power and exercise it with aplomb. They break barriers and hearts, command respect and awe; they live and love on their own terms.

What is their secret? What is the essence of the kind of feminine power that makes the earth quake and men tremble? The answer, explained in this short, captivating film,  dates back more than 25,000 years, to a time before the dawn of history as we know it.

This is the first in a series of videos for “The Seductive Woman”. When divining your own magnetizing potential, there is nothing better than seeing feminine power in action. Here you will see clips of some of the greatest seductresses of all time, along with the bit of “herstory” that puts feminine power in perspective.

Step into your  light and shine.

Powerfully yours,

Ayesha

What Beyonce’s ‘Lemonade’ Reveals About Seduction & The (Secret) Power of Women

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Beyonce’s visual album Lemonade is a smorgasbord of decadent imagery flush with stunning cultural references, from a gloriously terpsichorean Serena Williams to the Egyptian queen Nefertiti. But as a seduction devotee,  the evocation of Oshun emerges as one of the film’s most beautiful, “teachable” moments. Oshun, an archetypal symbol for the feminine principle, serves as a meaningful guide.  Through her patakis, or stories, she reveals the secret power of women, and teaches us all the (lost) art of love.

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Beyonce channels the Yoruban diety Oshun in her spectacular visual album “Lemonade”.

In one of  Lemonade’s now most iconic scenes, songstress (diva archetype) Beyonce Knowles emerges between double doors clad in a magnificent yellow dress. In one ecstatic moment, a torrent of water engulfs her and  cascades down a flight of stairs as the barefoot  beauty saunters in its wake. Sheathed in the orisha’s signature yellow and gold, water jettisoning about, Beyonce masterfully channels Oshun, the Yoruba deity of sweet waters, sensuality, creativity and abundance.

In the West African Yoruba spiritual tradition, orishas are  intermediaries between humans and the creator.  Like  her love goddess counterparts, among them Venus, Aphrodite, and Astarte, Oshun is a divine reflection of mankind’s deep reverence for femininity in its highest expression; intelligence and intuition, emotional depth, unbridled eroticism, and the capacity for physical and psychic manifestation. Together, these qualities make up the feminine principle.

The feminine principal, also referred to as the sacred feminine,  feminine mystique, sacral energy, shakti, or even yin, refers to the creative force from which all life emerges. This mysterious, feminine force is so awe-inspiring and inchoate, that in every culture, we find a  love goddess who personifies it– Venus, Aphrodite, Innana, Astarte, Hathor, Mami Wati, and Xochiquetzal just to name a few.

A seductive women is instinctively aware of the “goddess” within her— even when a patriarchal society attempts to throw her off her game.

The precepts of seduction go back to the 25,000 year period when mankind worshipped at the alter of the goddess, and all modern day seductions are infused with this same mystical impulse. A seductive woman is instinctively aware of the “goddess” within her— even when a patriarchal society attempts to throw her off her game. She reverses the artificial male advantage and reclaims woman’s natural erotic supremacy. Her presence is charged, her affections hard-won, and her love is positively transformational.

A Case Study: How Oshun Seduces Ogun

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Though often portrayed as a coquettish young woman, Oshun is one of the most powerful orishas in the pantheon.  In many instances, where others fail, Oshun triumphs, often using her cleverness and feminine wiles to achieve her goals.

The story of how Oshun leads war god Ogun, out of the forest and back to society is charged with meaning. Mostly, it underscores the power of the feminine to seduce, and ultimately subvert, the masculine.

As the story goes:

Ogun became angry one day and took off for the woods. Because Ogun rules modern civilization, in  his absence, all the machines stopped working and cities began to fall apart. Each one of the Orishas tried in vain to get him to return.  Finally, Oshun, clad in a beautiful ensemble went to the forest. She had her “honey pot” tied around her waist as usual. She began to dance and as she moved, fluidly as the rivers snaking over the landscape, Ogun watched her from afar. She kept dancing and he kept getting closer. When he got within arms reach of her she dipped her hand into her honey pot and then smeared some of the honey onto his lips. Needless, to say, he returned home.

Oshun never petitions Ogun to leave the forest. She is the only orisha that does not resort to reason. She doesn’t beg or plead for him to follow her lead. She doesn’t try to convince him of her loyalty, her sexual prowess, or domestic supremacy. She does not audition.

In our slavish attempts to prove ourselves, and outdo our so-called competition, we often ignore the parts of ourselves that are truly seductive—- our sensuality, confidence, wit, vitality, and passion for life. How can we develop these qualities if we are fraught with concern over the shape of our breasts or saying the “right” thing over dinner?

Women are often groomed to  treat dating like American Idol, but unless you are a performing artist, you weren’t put on earth to audition for men.

As sociobiologist Marry Batten says “unless subverted by deceit or usurped by force” the females are the choosy sex, discriminating among men who compete for their attention. Seductive women inherently understand their biological supremacy and behave as such.Oshun’s story precedes contemporary patriarchy and reveals true feminine power— something from which men have tried to divert us for about 5000 years.

Feminine Prowess Subverts Masculine Power… Every Single Time

Oshun quite literally seduces Ogun, that is she “leads him astray” and out of the woods, not with convincing rhetoric, but with signs and symbols. She appears before him,  beautifully adorned.  She bathes herself in the sweet waters, laughs and dances ecstatically . She exploits those things that can not be said, in order to lead her man out of the wilderness, and back into his true self.

The feminine is not what opposes the masculine, but what seduces the masculine.

-Jean Baudrillard

On the most basic philosophical level, the tale of Ogun and Oshun helps us identify feminine seduction as the far more insidious and subversive alternative to both sex and power.

As humans, we are chained to a physical world, but seduction exists in the sublime symbolic realm- a creative language that speaks in the form of colors, smells, objects, shapes, art, poetry, riddles, images and metaphor. This is the real reason we consider the act of applying scent or painting lips seductive– these acts belie reason. When we adorn the body, we sublimate ourselves by covering the body in signs.

Symbols are the most powerful force in the human experience because they are everywhere and nowhere at all. They are both immutable and indestructible. They completely bypass rational thought, affecting us indirectly, in ways completely beyond our control.

Consider if you will the word “cross”. Written down on a blank sheet of paper, it is both a noun, adjective and verb with about 50 different literal meanings. The moment I draw a cross on a sheet of paper, for many people, it transcends meaning and becomes a feeling, perhaps of deep faith, love, or even fervor. This is the power of the symbolic, feminine realm.

Sexuality as we understand it is a masculine construct. Masculinity and femininity, as we define them in contemporary society are both masculine constructs. (Feminity is thought to be everything masculine is not… women are masculine lite). Sex has boundaries. A beginning and end.  It is like the word written on the page—linear, finite, and concrete.

Seduction exists on an entirely separate plane from sexuality.  If power is mastery over the real universe, then seduction is mastery over the symbolic universe, and that is the  ultimate form of persuasion.

In Order to Give Pleasure, You Must Know Pleasure

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Oshun wears a honey pot tied around her waist, another reference to her  womb and her feminine, sacral energy. Honey is a common motif in mythology, most often used to express the “sweet” aspects of femininity— sweetness, not as in docility, but pleasure. Honey represents the lure of pleasure– not unlike the siren’s song, or the matador’s cape– it is is the promise of sensual escape, and the idea, that we all long for transport.

Rarely as a society do we consider desire from a woman’s vantage point. Few female protagonists in popular culture describe desire in terms of what they want or what feels good to them. Most often we are the objects of desire. Which is why, sometimes it’s difficult for women to enjoy  pleasure for the sake of pleasure. We are too used to giving it, to adequately receive it.

The idea that Oshun keeps her honey pot attached to her waste has dual meanings. On one level, it represents the association of  honey with sexual release.  On another level, tied to her waist it symbolizes pleasure within her– inner content.

Many of us are “empty”, seeking pleasure without— both in the arms of inept men and  fleeting indulgences.  I can’t help but think of the classic airplane safety  admonition to place the oxygen mask over your face before assisting anyone else. The same concept applies to seduction. In order to give pleasure, you must first know pleasure.

Consider Oshun. She not only promotes fertility, but culture. She embodies the pursuit of pleasure, beauty and art for its own sake. She carries a mirror because she is self-aware and enamored with herself. Like narcicuss, she likes to look in a mirror or at her reflection in water. She loves herself. She is absorbed in her wonderful world.

Her nectar refers to ecstasy, the outcome of receiving pleasure and her  ‘sweet’ feminine gifts to civilization—  among them — beauty, art, poetry, music and dance, festival,  storytelling, charm, and diplomacy.

We can’t seduce anyone without seducing ourselves first.

When we embrace our own sensuality, whether its by taking long, candle lit baths or salsa lessons, when we live in the moment and embrace the pleasures of life, humor and spontaneity, when we surround ourselves with wonderful people and pursue our passions—we keep our honey pots full.  The French even have a name for women who embody this concept: quaintrelle, that is a woman who emphasizes a life of passion expressed through personal style, leisurely past times, charm and the cultivation of life’s pleasure. When embrace the sweetness in life, we become the bliss we seek. Only then can we attract from a place of fullness and authenticity.

She Slakes, And She Destroys

Like honey, water too is a common motif in goddess mythology,  perhaps even more so. Aphrodite (aphros is greek for foam) rose from the sea. The Egyptian goddess Hathor is associated with the Nile. The Greek Sirens are sea creatures who used their dulcet voices to lure male sailors to their untimely end.

For millennia mankind has identified the life-giving and life-destroying powers of water with woman. And it makes sense. Life emerges from amniotic fluid. The process of gestation and childbirth began as one of the world’s great mysteries. Prehistoric women were associated with water breaking, menstruation, the moon, and the tide. The first calenders were likely synchronized with a woman’s flow. Month, moon, and menses are all linguistically connected.

Water is the ultimate metaphor for feminine, live-giving energy. 

Oshun, too, falls in this category of love deities connected to water. As goddess of the rivers and “sweet waters” (sweet refers to fresh water), according to legend, women learned to move and dance seductively by watching Oshun snake across the landscape.

Beyond hypnotic motion, water is the ultimate metaphor for feminine, life-giving energy. When we are comfortable in the realm of the feminine we embody this lightness of being. We are protean, soft, receptive, yet impossible to grasp. We exude spontaneity, vitality and a sparkling quality, much like Oshun.

Water is associated with emotional depths, and the capacity of our own inner forces to sustain or overwhelm us.  When we connect with feminine energy, we become like the Greek sirens, sea-fearing creatures with wings, as they could comfortably travel in and out the depths, playing the emotional scale all the  while maintaining the ability to “fly above” and see things objectively. In the seat of feminine power, we lose our fear of oceanic emotions. We learn to swim— allowing our feelings to propel us forward, rather than drown us.

 As mothers, sisters, lovers and confidantes, we are often the guide that lead men from their heads, to their hearts.

Water symbolizes abundance. Birth and rebirth. Regeneration.  It shows us our natural ability to transform circumstances and even those around us. In greek myth, sirens were said to lure men into the watery, feminine realm where they drowned to death. Really, this myth, speaks of a symbolic death and rebirth– the ability of a woman to transform a man by guiding him into his self— increasing his capacity for compassion, selflessness, and ultimately heroism.  As mothers, sisters, lovers and confidantes, we are often the guide that lead men from their heads, to their hearts.

Water is cyclical. It flows in perpetuity, symbolizing the cyclical nature of feminine seduction versus the linear concept of masculine sexuality that most of the world embraces. Male sexuality is expressed trough the erection, an orgasm, something that is finite and defined by boundaries. Sexuality as we know it is a masculine concept and it’s often hard  to grasp feminine seduction because it falls entirely outside of this realm. It is nowhere to be found on the masculine axis.  There is no beginning or end.

Seduction, as a feminine expression, is a challenge to seduce and to be seduced. It’s a ritual exchange, during which, sex is one plausible outcome. It is a playful game of romantic one-upmanship and it turns romance, as we’ve come to know it, upside down.

A Thin Line Between Love and Hate?

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Water can be soft and quiet. It can also rage and ruin. Floods, hurricanes and storms threaten to destroy the very life that rain water sustains.

One of the many, now iconic, images in Beyonce’s visual album Lemonade, is a joyful Beyonce taking measured swings with a baseball bat, destroying everything in her path. Meanwhile, fire hydrant water jettisons about her and playful children roam in her wake. The visual speaks to the other, less celebrated, aspect of Oshun’s persona. Like water, Oshun slakes and destroys.

As the protector of women and children, she helps women feel powerful, playful and sensual. She bestows civilization with the gifts of song, dance, beauty, and passion.

While Oshun is known for her eroticism, her lightness-of-being is interspersed with heartbreak and rage.

But ignore Oshun, or neglect her, and legend says, she will cut your throat with a knife she keeps concealed in her dress and laugh over your body. While Oshun is known for her eroticism, her lightness-of-being is interspersed with heartbreak and rage.

There are several patakis (stories) that describe her encounters with poverty, abandonment, heartbreak and devastation. Her greatest challenge, particularly during her early life, is that her enormous capacity to connect emotionally leaves her vulnerable to the ravages and abandonment.

Sound familiar?

The beautiful juxtaposition of elation and rage demonstrated in Lemonade symbolizes the two sides of Oshun… and the challenge for many women who love passionately. Feminine energy is a dualistic energy– it longs to connect. It represents the procreative force in all women, the one on which survival of the species hinges. Sometimes, when this consciousness is overwhelmingly present in a woman’s psyche, she may long for validation ( a form of connection) and find herself drawn to unrequited love or emotionally lop-sided relationships. Still, passionate women are not fated to feel rage– there is a means to evolve.

Your Pain is a Rite of Passage… And the Source of Your Transformation

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Ultimately, darkness becomes her.

Much like the greek myth of Persephone, Oshun’s pain is a rite of passage. It forces her to look inward. It is during her most desperate hours that , that according to legend, Oshun taps into her deep spiritual powers and becomes a witch. This witchcraft and connection to the spiritual world symbolizes the universal aspects of grief– how in times of sorrow we develop our inner qualities– faith, resilience,  and compassion . Oshun’s sorcery is a metaphor for our capacity to transform darkness and pain into power.

There are two tales of how Oshun finally achieves her happily ever after. In one, Orunla, the spirit of destiny, finds her and requests her hand in marriage. In the alternate tale, she marries Sango, the virile Orisha of thunder and lightening, justice and dance.

Regardless of ending, we know that Oshun, the youngest and most beautiful orisha, only finds lasting love when she develops her inner qualities, sheds the need for validation, and develops her potential for unconditional love, both for herself and her lover.

Lemonade is Beyonce’s personal Oshun story— a tale of love, heartbreak, and transformation.    Like the goddess’ patakis, Lemonade celebrates a woman’s remarkable capacity to live and love with abandon, and  to find her way out of darkness.

With Love and lemons,

Ayesha

PS: Oshun represents the “siren” archetype, unbridled sensual energy. Beyonce is the “diva“.  Discover your most fascinating qualities with my original, psychology-backed 13 Feminine Seduction Archetypes quiz or scroll down for free access to  my weekly letter containing original case-studies, videos and articles that you won’t find on the site– or anywhere else on the web.

An Explanation of the 7 Feminine Archetypes

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7 feminine archetypes
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An archetype is to the psyche what the body is to the mind.

There are seven feminine archetypes that prevail in contemporary western society—the mother, the maiden, the queen, the huntress, the sage, the mystic, and the lover. The presence of these archetypes in our psyches accounts for the major differences among women.

Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung pioneered the use of archetypes in depth psychology, even though the concept of archetypes predates even him. Today, archetypes are commonly studied by Jungian analysts, mythologists and writers alike–  but it’s important to note that while Jung pioneered archetypal psychology, he didn’t  actually author the seven feminine archetypes which many resources wrongfully assert.

There are several schools of thought, hence multiple approaches to defining the feminine archetypes that dominate any society at any given time.

The following seven archetypes, and their names,  reflect my  decade-long research into mythology and archetypal psychology. I’ve lectured on the connection between archetype and culture all over the world and my work explores the pre-patriarchal, pre-Hellenic origins of contemporary archetypes in order to distill much more authentic, holistic models of feminine power.

What is an archetype?

Archetypes form the basis of all unlearned, instinctive patterns of behavior. These powerful universal symbols exist in what pioneering psychologist Carl Jung referred to as the  “collective unconscious”. A reservoir of human experience, the collective unconscious looms over the individual psyche like a shadow, quietly influencing our actions and reactions.

Humans are hardwired to integrate and respond to archetypal images in a way that is completely beyond their conscious control. Marketing execs and Hollywood studios have long capitalized on this psychology, using it to create inspiring stories, mega stars and profitable brands.  Public figures who appear larger than life often trigger deep archetypal responses within us, like  Mother Teresa; the selfless, archetypal mother and Martin Luther King; the archetypal male Messiah.

What are the The 7 feminine archetypes?
Seven feminine archetypes prevail in contemporary western society—the mother, the maiden, the queen, the huntress, the sage, the mystic, and the lover.

Each feminine archetype is a unique expression of feminine energy, to which we all have access.

The personality Differences Among Women

The presence of these archetypes in our psyches, to varying degrees, accounts for the major personality difference among women– they are the quiet forces that shape the arc of our lives. Our signature feminine archetype quiz offers a snapshot  of how you personally connect with each archetype.

Each and every one of us needs to establish some connection with all seven feminine archetypes to thrive.

The lover is our gateway to sacred sensuality, creativity, passion,  and our innate ability to captivate. The huntress is our path to independence and our warrior spirit. The maiden offers intuition, creativity, and the ability to evolve during periods of darkness. The sage is a gateway to accomplishment, wisdom, and the ability to compartmentalize our emotions.  The queen is the key to confidence, leadership, alliances, and the ability to attract the finer things in life. The mother is our connection to our ability to nurture, create, protect, and establish deep, heart-centered relationships.  And the mystic is our pathway to freedom, inner peace, and the seductive allure of mystery.

7 feminine archetypes

These 7 basic feminine archetypes are also the foundation for my unique captivation theory.  To better understand the 13 seduction archetypes, I recommend you read about the 7 feminine archetypes on which my system is based.

The Lover Archetype

lover feminine archetype
Kim Catrall as “Samantha” in Sex and the City was a quintessential example of the lover archetype.

In Myth: Aphrodite, Venus, Ochun, The Sirens, Inanna, Qondita, Astarte, Hathor, Mami Wati, Erzuli, Xochiquetzal, Venus of Willendorf

As a psychological archetype: The lover archetype represents a woman’s most primal urge to connect and create. As the oldest feminine archetype (the earliest known erotic deity dates back to 30,000 BC), the “lover” represents a woman’s erotic energy and her capacity for psychic and physical creation.

When this archetype is active in a woman’s psyche, she feels compelled to fulfill both procreative and creative instincts. Her energy field is charged, and she becomes a magnet to those around her. She has presence, and she’s firmly rooted in the here and now.

The lover archetype has nothing to do with traditional sex appeal or male-authored images of pinups that may come to mind.

The lover archetype represents a life force energy. One one hand, it is this creative energy that compels us to mate and pass on our genes. But in a broader sense, this life force energy, whether referred to as shakti, chi, or anything else, compels us to channel our feelings of passion into creation- whether that creation is another human being, an intense connection, a work of art, a poem, a theory, an invention, or even the manifestation of a  new reality.

Women who are aligned with the lover archetype, are intimately connected to this creative energy, their sacred eroticism,  sensuality, passion, and above all, pleasure. It’s not unlike the Yoruban goddess Oshun who represents the sweet waters and in essence the ‘sweetness’ of life. It’s an energy channel available to every human being.

The lover archetype inspires deep communication, intimacy, sensuality, and creativity. Lover women are unique in that they have a deep emotional need for both freedom and connection, and their romantic lives often reflect this.  Everyone has access to the “Lover” archetype. To learn how this magnetic energy relates to our ability to captivate–  read here.

Strengths: Naturally magnetic,  incites arousal and passion in others, creative, independent, pleasure-oriented

Challenges: vanity, lack of focus, fragile self-esteem

Learn more here.

Watch the lover archetype video:

The Maiden Archetype

maiden feminine archetype
Dark, free-spirited, and open, Mia Wallace (Uma Thurman) in Pulp Fiction embodies the “maiden” feminine archetype.

In myth: Persephone, Prosepina, Inanna, Isis, Minoan Snake Goddess.

As a psychological archetype: When the maiden archetype is dominant in a woman’s psyche, she exudes an effervescent, eternally youthful quality. In the negative, this archetype predisposes a woman to be both compliant and passive. Many young women pass through a maiden phase, prior to marriage, motherhood, and career, before she has established a clear identity for herself.

The Greek Goddess Persephone’s journey into the underworld teaches us a lot about how the “maiden” archetype manifests itself. Persephone, the innocent maiden, was abducted by Hades, God of the underworld, and separated from her protective mother Demeter. She ultimately becomes Queen of the underworld, dividing her time above and below ground.

In reality, a “maiden” woman may resemble Persephone the sheltered daughter, the runaway, or the queen. As the daughter, the “maiden” is receptive, sexually unawakened, vulnerable, and generally waiting for life to happen to her. As the “runaway”,  the archetype presents as a creative, irresponsible, rebellious woman (think pop star Rhianna) who finds herself drawn to risky situations, and even dark, abusive men.

“Maidens” mature fully-integrated and self-actualized women,  only after enduring significant emotional and/or physical loss. In this way, their archetype also mirrors the descent  of the  Sumerian goddess Inanna into the frightening depths of the underworld, where she is stripped of her power and hubris and repeatedly humiliated until she is rescued and replaced by her husband. A maiden may very well find her own strength, and the seeds of her maturation, in circumstances of extreme powerlessness.

Mature “maidens”  are creative, compassionate, spiritual, and capable of displaying profound inner strength.

Greatest Strengths: Empathy, creativity, receptiveness

Challenges: Emotional Co-Dependency, diffidence, lack of autonomy, may be drawn to dangerous relationships

Learn more  here. 

Watch the video:

The Mother Archetype

mother feminine archetype
Nurturing and sweet, Carol Brady was the glue that held the Brady Bunch together. She embodies the “mother” archetype.

In Myth: Demeter, Ceres, Yemanja, Anahita, Nut, Cybele, Gaia, Tara, Tlazolteotz, Akua’ Ba, Gwandusu, Isis, Kali Ma

As a psychological archetype: When the “mother” archetype is dominant in a woman’s psyche, she is a natural caretaker. The “mother” archetype represents a woman’s maternal instinct, the desire to create life and to provide physical, mental, and spiritual sustenance.

Unlike “the lover” which inspires a woman to procreate, the “mother” is driven by the actual idea of motherhood.  Even when a “mother” woman is childless, or beyond childbearing years, she is responsible, protective, and finds great satisfaction in taking care of others. “

Mothers” run the risk of putting others before themselves, and neglecting their own needs. They often find it difficult to maintain personal boundaries, a characteristic that makes them phenomenally emotionally accessible, but often feeling encroached upon and depleted of their vital energy.  As maternal persistence is often an aspect of this archetype, she may be deeply stubborn.

Greatest Strengths: Nurturing, persistent, compassionate, grounded

Challenges: self-neglect, stubbornness, difficulty letting go of caretaking role, lack of boundaries

Learn more here. 

Watch the Mother archetype video:

The Queen Archetype

queen feminine archetype
Elegant, regal, and devoted to her husband, former First Lady Nancy Reagan epitomized the “queen” archetype.

In Myth: Hera, Juno, Frigg, Isis, Parvati, Asherah

As a psychological archetype: In myth, “queen” deities,  like Hera, wife of Zeus and Isis, wife and savior of Osiris, protect the sanctity of marriage. As an archetype, the “queen” represents loyalty, female sovereignty, and matrimonial devotion.

Regal, stately, and naturally confident, the “queen” woman is motivated by a goddess-given instinct to marry and build meaningful alliances. The “queen” archetype can make a woman feel incomplete without a partner. She doesn’t enjoy her single days nearly as much as her female counterparts.

As a leader, “queen” women are capable of taking charge at home, on a board, in an office, and running a business– particularly a female-oriented enterprise like Mary Kay Ash and Helena Rubenstein. She is often the “Queen B” of her circle of friends and a natural social butterfly.

As a companion, “queen” women are often attracted to powerful, assertive men, and are capable of demonstrating complete loyalty to their spouse and his personal goals.  Like Hera of myth, who was repeatedly humiliated by Zeus’ many extramarital affairs, queen women are predisposed to feel jealousy and rage towards other women, particularly those who threaten their position socially or their status as a wife. They are likely to overlook their partner’s transgressions for the sake of the marriage.

Greatest strengths: Loyalty, leadership

Challenges: Jealousy and vindictiveness

Learn more here. 

Watch the queen archetype video:

The Huntress Archetype

huntress feminine archetype
Athletic, driven, and victorious on the tennis court, Serena Williams embodies the “huntress” feminine archetype.

In Myth: Artemis, Diana, Banka-Mundi, Medeina, Ishtar, Nujalik, Pinga, Oya

As a psychological archetype: The “huntress” is a personification of the independent female spirit. She represents a woman’s autonomy and ability to pursue a life of her own choosing. When this archetype is dominant, a woman’s primary concern will be autonomy and attaining her personal goals.  The archetype endows women with the innate ability to focus on goals, undistracted by competition or the needs of others. In this sense, she is the ultimate archer. The “huntress” lines up her bow and takes aim.

“Huntress” women often embody the qualities idealized in the women’s movement—competency, independence from men and male opinion, and commitment to causes about which they are passionate particularly women’s causes.  “Huntress” women are often natural protectors of other women, particularly those who’ve been victimized.

Greatest strengths: self-reliance, courage, goal-orientedness, often sympathizes with women’s causes

Challenges: can be aloof, emotionally unavailable and potentially cruel

Learn more here. 

Watch the huntress archetype video:

The Sage Archetype

sage feminine archetype
Scandal’s fictional DC fixer, Olivia Pope, embodies the strategic thinking, intellect and worldliness of the “wise woman” archetype.

In Myth: Athena, Neith, Anat, Astarte, Anahit, Bellana, Durga, Freyja, Inanna, Ishtar, Sekhmet, Pele, Oya, Nike, Minerva, Lilith

As a psychological archetype: The sage archetype represents a woman’s pursuit of worldly knowledge, strategy, and objectivity. Sage women face the world by arming themselves with information and forming meaningful alliances.  Many female attorneys, academics, and politicians are motivated by the sage archetype which encourages discipline, the pursuit of knowledge, proximity to power, and goal-orientated news. Hillary Clinton embodies this archetype closely.

A woman who identifies with the sage archetype is capable of becoming a brilliant strategist; seeing situations from an objective distance is her gift.  She is also capable of becoming a skilled lover when she applies her quest for knowledge to the love arts.

Women dominated by this archetype are often practical, competent, and competitive. In Greco-Roman myth,  Athena is viewed as a protector of patriarchal values.  As Zeus’ favorite daughter, she is sometimes referred to as “father’s daughter”.  In patriarchal societies, sage women often naturally identify with men and are often the product of strong paternal influence, or the maternal influence of a woman who also embodies the archetype. They are drawn to powerful men and are perhaps best suited for corporate life.

Sometimes these women struggle to form meaningful relationships with other women, and in extreme situations, they may use their emotional aloofness to intimidate the women in their midst.

Greatest Strengths: Emotional objectivity, worldliness, intelligence, natural strategist

Challenges: Frigidity, emotional unavailability, aloofness, closed off from sensuality and creative energy

Learn more here. 

Watch the sage archetype video:

The Mystic Archetype

mystic feminine archetype
Affable, introverted, homebody Annie Hall (Diane Keaton) embodies the “mystic” archetype in Woody Allen’s film of the same name.

In Myth: Hestia, Vesta, Ainu Kamuy, Berahynia, Chantico, Gabija

As a psychological archetype: As an archetype, the mystic is a deeply introverted woman, focused on her inner-spiritual world, and most concerned with maintaining zen-like inner peace. While the “huntress” and “wise woman” use their direct energy to focus on external goals, the mystic focuses her energy on inner fulfillment.  She values solitude and carries a figurative “hearth” with her, in that she very much feels at home in her skin.

Regardless of the situation, women who experience a heavy “mystic” influence are capable of detaching themselves from emotional situations and outcomes.  She may even appear cool and detached as she focuses her emotions are inward. The mystic is at peace meditating, volunteering, creating or following a spiritual path.  This archetype is prevalent in religious sisterhoods.

Under-represented in the female population, the mystic represents the importance of going inward to find meaning, a quality that is often downplayed and dishonored in Western Society. Whether you are naturally aligned with this archetype or not, the cultivating the mystic is helpful for all women for achieving balance and emotional distance.

Greatest Strengths: confidence, deep concentration, creativity, prioritizes inner-peace, captivating soulful quality

Challenges: deep introversion, social isolation, emotional frigidity

Learn more here. 

Watch the mystic archetype video:

How the 7 Feminine Archetypes Work Together

Any or all of the archetypes may exist in a woman’s psyche at any given time. As we enter certain phases in our lives, for example, college (wise-woman), marriage (queen), or motherhood (mother), we activate different archetypes. Every time we fall in love or feel passionate or feel passionate about a creative project, we activate the “lover” archetype.

Imagine a meeting where your ego is the moderator and the various archetypes that motivate you all to have a seat at the table. Perhaps, as your dominant archetype, the voice of the nurturing “mother” exerts the most influence at the meeting, followed by relationship-seeking “queen”, and perhaps every once in a while the passion-seeking “lover” interjects.  This is what we experience whenever we make a decision.

When we feel pulled in different directions it is  typically because different archetypes existing in our psyche want different things; the angst one might feel when choosing between law school (sage) and creative entrepreneurship (lover),  between becoming a stay at home mother (mother), or continuing the corporate climb (sage), or even between remaining in an unfaithful marriage (queen) or starting anew (huntress).

The archetypes within us can work together to achieve a common goal, for example, the sage can help the lover complete her creative projects, and the lover can help the queen land the husband she desires, but these archetypal drives may also clash. That’s the therapeutic value of identifying your dominant archetypes.

The 13 Feminine Seduction Archetypes quiz is a personality assessment that, in addition to identifying your seduction archetype, reveals how you identify with all 7 female archetypes. This information is incredibly impactful.  Armed with an understanding of your female archetypes, you can then choose to develop your strengths, address your weaknesses, resolve internal conflict, and pursue a path that resonates with the woman you are at your core. Archetypes are a doorway to self-awareness and personal power.

How to Harness Your Unique Personality Blueprint

When you tap into your defining archetypes, you connect with the essential truth of who you are. In a world that tirelessly attempts to reduce women to ciphers — archetypal wisdom brings us authenticity, confidence, and unfathomable power.

When we are aligned with our archetypes, we experience fast progress and deeper levels of fulfillment. When we are not aligned, we feel stuck, or connected to our archetypal shadow. The beauty of archetypes is that they are effective for all types of growth and change. You can harness archetypes to improve your confidence, wellbeing, and your ability to create wealth and attract satisfying relationships.

feminine archetype course
The Feminine Odyssey contains over 30 hours of programming and explores all seven feminine archetypes, as well as the 13 Feminine Seduction Archetypes™.

You attract the right things once you have a sense of who you truly are.

 To learn how to powerfully activate each archetype, I invite you to explore the  Feminine Odyssey is an unprecedented series of seven Master Classes that each dive deep into the 7 feminine archetypes. You can join any individual master class, or discover all seven. With in-depth, documentary-style presentations, daily practices, exercises, affirmations, and prompts, you’ll expand your knowledge of each archetype along with their modern-day and ancient, mythological incarnations. You’ll get access to practical advice about how to use the various archetypes to reach your love, money, and life goals. In about a month,  your life can radically change… emotionally, financially, socially, and spiritually.

Allow feminine archetypes to be your inner mirror, and passport to the life you were destined to live.

With passion and power,

Ayesha

PS: Read about your dark side– the shadow aspects of the 7 feminine archetypes here. 

©2021. All rights reserved. This article is legally protected by the US copyright office. All attempts to plagiarise or misrepresent the author’s ideas in any form will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Click to learn about the 13 Feminine Seduction Archetypes: Siren | Sophisticate | Boss | Bohemian | Coquette | Goddess | Enigma | Diva | Empress | Sensualist | Lady | Ingenue | Gamine

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