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What Separates Wishers From Winners

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The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. -Alice Walker

4eb1045ed8d8ce2df791dc435a4c9e7dI recently sat on a sexuality panel where an interesting discussion around fairytales arose. One woman quipped that Disney princesses were horrible examples for  women. Arielle in The Little Mermaid literally  disfigures her body, abandons her family and gives up her voice… just to be with a man.

In the real world, you and I both know that this revisionist approach to romance doesn’t work. Every day, women ‘fix’ themselves, withhold their opinions, cook hot meals,  pull out Cosmo-worthy tricks, invest in silly books about dating rules and the such— and they still end up in unfulfilling, emotionally lop-sided relationships.

I began to think about the generational telling and reimagining of classic “happily ever after” scenarios.

Are  fairy tales and the rom-coms that are based on them just another way that we tell women to behave and wait patiently for hero?  Have we all internalized these misleading blueprints for happily ever after.  In our quest to live out our own fairytales— are we actually  giving up our personal power?
Think about it. Left to her own devices, Cinderella would still be sweeping chimney ashes today. Her redemption was entirely dependent on outside forces–  the divine intervention of a fairy god mother and a persistent prince. That is not power.

A powerful woman knows who she is, what she wants, and expresses herself to the world unapologetically.

Let me repeat that—

A powerful woman knows who she is, what she wants, and expresses herself to the world unapologetically. 

Although staged, this photo capture the true dynamic of Salome's 'intellectual' threesome with Paul Ree and Friedrich Nietzsche.
Although staged, this photo captures the true dynamic of Salome’s ‘intellectual’ threesome with Paul Ree and Friedrich Nietzsche.

Empowerment is more than a buzz word. It is an act of individuation– distinguishing your true self from what has been artificially imposed by family and society. It is a willingness to live on your own terms and to do what you please. It is action. It is a refusal to wait.  This is what separates  women who WISH from women who WIN.

The most seductive women in history were strong-willed oddballs. They set out to be a woman like no other even when their true self directly opposed the norms.

Gabrielle “Coco” Chanel cavorted about in mens wear and dared to build a fashion empire. Salome was a devastatingly seductive psychoanalyst who wrote about female sexuality during the prude Victorian era. And in an industry filled with bombshells, Lucille Ball made a lasting name for herself as a screwball comedian.

These women refused to play nice and wait for their time to come.

 The trouble is, our Cinderella culture teaches women that it is more important to be ‘liked’ than liberated. Many of us are trying to desperately squeeze our feet in glass slippers that don’t fit. Here’s the brutal truth: Women who play  nice and live to please DON’T WIN. They miss out on opportunities to advance their personal, professional and romantic goals.

(You, of course, were born to win.)

Your life completely changes the moment you realize you are in control. No, every woman isn’t born with the same advantages… but any woman can live the kind of life she wants as long as she’s willing to take it.  

There is no fairy god mother. If you want a castle— claim it. If you want a prince–decide you are worthy and when you’re opportunity arrives, for heaven’s sake….Seize the day.

You are enough. Everything that you are, and everything you are not, is enough.

The best way to achieve your happily ever after is to write the story your self.

 

Powerfully yours,

Ayesha

Ayesha
The founder of WomenLovePower.com, Ayesha is a writer, media personality and a brave new voice for feminine power and social change. Her provocative insights on culture and sexual politics have been the subject of viral videos, and featured in national media outlets including MTV, Essence, The Michael Baisden Radio Show, AfroPunk, and Time. Having devoted a decade of study towards analyzing the unique ways that women acquire and wield power, she is a leading expert on soft power, feminine consciousness and sexual politics. Ayesha is a graduate of Yale University, and a former television journalist.

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